Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, my partner has some autistic traits and my difficulty relating to this is causing issues in our relationship and I’m wondering if it’s helpful to try to get him to see a specialist about ASD or not. He’s intelligent, charismatic, likes people, and he’s trying to work with me and a therapist to fix some of our issues, but I often feel like he can’t understand my emotions, like I’m only important to him on an intellectual level and sometimes (two or three times a week) I feel like I’m completely alone in his presence - which makes me feel strangely empty inside. We’ve been together 6 years and he never wants to talk about our future and calls me anxious when I bring up anything about it.
We’re at a point where we need to make a decision about our relationship - we’re mid-30s. I feel like despite being a strong person with strong feminist values, I’m being forced into a stereotyped version of a victimised, self-doubting, confused woman.
If anyone has similar experience and can offer advice, please do.
Hi, has the therapist picked up on any autistic behaviour? Your partner will most probably be good at masking in front of strangers. The first step would be him actually accepting he may be autistic, it’s not any easy step. There’s no easy way to do “ the conversation,” one thing autistic people normally need is direct communication, don’t do a conversation with hints. I would ask, “ do you love me?”and “where do you see this relationship going?” In mid thirties I wonder if you are thinking about having children and thinking you may not achieve this if you stay. If he does accept autism may be a possibility then take some online tests and take it from there, I know from my own experience, finding out why I’m different was a big relief and life changing. My relationship with my wife is much better, I now see when I'm in a situation that makes me struggle, I am able to identify it and try to explain how it’s affecting me.
Thanks Roy, that's helpful.