Really Struggling

Hi,

I've come here to ask a little advice. I wanted to find a phone number where I could speak to someone, but there doesn't seem to be any to help autistic adults. I did not really want to come online, but there seems no other option, short of going to my GP, but I've lost faith in them at the moment.

I believe I am ASD. My son was diagnosed about 6 years ago. I went to the parents information course (I knew quite a bit about it already), but there were certainly aspects discussed that I recognised. I'm not good at social cue's, have trouble with eye contact, don't know how to deal with my strong emotions, and stuff like that.  When I get worried/anxious/upset I have to fiddle with something.  I have a high IQ (regularly get to the final on the 1% club when I play along at home, and sometimes even get the 1% question), so might be considered High Functioning. I am 50 and have managed to get through life. It's had it's ups and downs and often seems a struggle. I divorced from a 20 year marriage 6 years ago (and that was messy and traumatic!), but I have since found a new partner. I hardly see my children (although the eldest has just graduated, so not so surprised, but my youngest is still in secondary school, but the court order visitation fell apart when my ex-wife moved him away). I also have several phobias, which I know is more common in autism.

I've explained that part of my past as right now I feel like I am falling apart. I've been dealing with that trauma of divorce and children. My father now has Alzheimers and is getting worse, his doctors don't seem to properly acknowledge the mini-strokes he's having which is making his dementia worse. My mother is struggling to cope with it as well. They live about 150 miles away!  My work is easy, but that's the problem, there is too little of it at the moment, and my brain is going to mush. the pay rises virtually non-existant and the cost of living is really biting as i'm in rented with large debts (due to divorce!).  So life isn't the easiest right now.  But at the moment, something goes slightly wrong, I lose it. I go into a meltdown, a gibbering wreck on the floor. My partner is struggling with it, and does not really understand austism or meltdowns, she thinks I'm just acting like a 6 year old and should pull myself together. She also doesn't like me fiddling nor that I can't make eye contact when we have serious post-meltdown conversations.

I'm also really struggling with the modern world, and I think it's this that is making me live on a high anxiety level (like a 3 or 4 on the 5 point scale) such that it doesn't take much to push me over.  I can't stand everything being online. Apps are driving me mad, and I'm all for throwing away my smartphone!!  Every time I go into the bank they're asking me if I do online banking, and it is becoming a trigger for me. The supermarket checkouts all going to self service also makes me angry, and I'll queue up for ages just to see the one person working the normal checkout in the normal way.  I don't know, but I',m feeling that these things are my autism problems, things I just can't do. So as you can see I would have much rather pick up the phone.

I'm asking what I should do. Should I go and ask for an autism diagnoses, would it help? am I just clutching at this, and maybe I'm just simply close to a breakdown? Are there any organisations I can turn to for help / counseling / whatever that isn't related to NHS and GP (don't go there, the thing is falling apart, and my partner works in the hospitals!). There is so much in my head, it feels like it's going to explode, and one day that explosion may have very bad consequences and I want to avoid that!!

Sorry for such a long message, and sorry to drop in like this. I just don't know what else to do.

Any help anyone could provide would be really really appreciated.

Many Thanks