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Worried about my son around ex’s partner

NAS76914
over 1 year ago
My son is five and has limited understanding and is non verbal. He lives with me as I’m more consistent around routine etc than his mum. He needs a very strong routine and her having other kids makes that harder for him so we decided I could give him more time and attention.
Originally he would stay overnight for two or one nights at the weekend. He would have the odd mild panic attack but it was working.
Her bloke moved in last year and shouted in my sons face as he wouldn’t go to sleep until about 11. Sometimes he just can’t switch off and his understanding is very limited so shouting at him only distresses him. You need to be firm but keep your cool.
This lead to my ex and I agreeing overnights can’t happen anymore. Which we’ve now done for about ten months. For context the guy doesn’t work so it’s not like he’s had a long week as an excuse. From what she says he lost his cool a few times before but not as bad.
Now she said her bloke wanted a dog. My boy doesn’t see animals as real things. They just don’t register on his radar. I said it was a bad idea as he wasn’t ready for one. Unbeknownst to me she got one anyway (yes her choice).
My boy doesn’t like it pawing him (he’s none verbal and had very limited understanding). Got frustrated and threw the iPad up in the air (so not at the dog) and it landed on the dog.
Ex’s partner went ballistic at him to the point he started crying. I’ve never seen him cry from being shouted at.
My ex now says she’ll have to always be in the room with my boy.
Surely this isn’t healthy for him and at some point I’m worried the guy will flip too far.

Thoughts?
Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    You need to start being more assertive my Friend and start putting your foot Down.

  • over 1 year ago in reply to Deleted user

    In all seriousness what would you advise? I’m getting some advice from organisations. I want to undderstand what’s legally acceptable 

  • over 1 year ago in reply to NAS76914
    NAS76914 said:
    I’m getting some advice from organisations. I want to undderstand what’s legally acceptable 

    We are not allowed to offer legal advice I'm afraid (new board rules) but you are engaging with specialists which seems the right way to go.

    My response if I were in your shoes would be to send your ex a letter laying out your concerns and describing what you are aware is happening. Note that if you did witness it then it is not to be taken at face value.

    I would be as factual as possible and say I am deeply worried that your son is experiencing an escalating series of verbal abuse and potentially physical abuse (if he is being slapped or pushed). I would ask her to be vigilant when her new partner is around to avoid her (and your) son suffering.

    Hopefully this will show your focus is on your sons wellbeing and not on being spiteful to the new partner as this could be on her mind.

    This would be how I would approach in for now until the professionals can weigh in with their opinions.

Reply
  • over 1 year ago in reply to NAS76914
    NAS76914 said:
    I’m getting some advice from organisations. I want to undderstand what’s legally acceptable 

    We are not allowed to offer legal advice I'm afraid (new board rules) but you are engaging with specialists which seems the right way to go.

    My response if I were in your shoes would be to send your ex a letter laying out your concerns and describing what you are aware is happening. Note that if you did witness it then it is not to be taken at face value.

    I would be as factual as possible and say I am deeply worried that your son is experiencing an escalating series of verbal abuse and potentially physical abuse (if he is being slapped or pushed). I would ask her to be vigilant when her new partner is around to avoid her (and your) son suffering.

    Hopefully this will show your focus is on your sons wellbeing and not on being spiteful to the new partner as this could be on her mind.

    This would be how I would approach in for now until the professionals can weigh in with their opinions.

Children