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Worried about my son around ex’s partner

NAS76914
over 1 year ago
My son is five and has limited understanding and is non verbal. He lives with me as I’m more consistent around routine etc than his mum. He needs a very strong routine and her having other kids makes that harder for him so we decided I could give him more time and attention.
Originally he would stay overnight for two or one nights at the weekend. He would have the odd mild panic attack but it was working.
Her bloke moved in last year and shouted in my sons face as he wouldn’t go to sleep until about 11. Sometimes he just can’t switch off and his understanding is very limited so shouting at him only distresses him. You need to be firm but keep your cool.
This lead to my ex and I agreeing overnights can’t happen anymore. Which we’ve now done for about ten months. For context the guy doesn’t work so it’s not like he’s had a long week as an excuse. From what she says he lost his cool a few times before but not as bad.
Now she said her bloke wanted a dog. My boy doesn’t see animals as real things. They just don’t register on his radar. I said it was a bad idea as he wasn’t ready for one. Unbeknownst to me she got one anyway (yes her choice).
My boy doesn’t like it pawing him (he’s none verbal and had very limited understanding). Got frustrated and threw the iPad up in the air (so not at the dog) and it landed on the dog.
Ex’s partner went ballistic at him to the point he started crying. I’ve never seen him cry from being shouted at.
My ex now says she’ll have to always be in the room with my boy.
Surely this isn’t healthy for him and at some point I’m worried the guy will flip too far.

Thoughts?
Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    This is a tough one, but at least your ex is understanding in agreeing to the accommodations in her access.

    It sounds like her new partner is a piece of work and may be trying to edge your son out of her life for some reason so it may be worth asking your ex if this is what she sees? The prospect of losing access may be enough to get her to reconsider tha partnership.

    I would also weigh up giving an ultimatum that if he verbally abuses your disabled son again that you will report him for child abuse - that should make him think even if thew chances of effective prosecution are slim.

    You did ask for thought so these are mine.

Reply
  • over 1 year ago

    This is a tough one, but at least your ex is understanding in agreeing to the accommodations in her access.

    It sounds like her new partner is a piece of work and may be trying to edge your son out of her life for some reason so it may be worth asking your ex if this is what she sees? The prospect of losing access may be enough to get her to reconsider tha partnership.

    I would also weigh up giving an ultimatum that if he verbally abuses your disabled son again that you will report him for child abuse - that should make him think even if thew chances of effective prosecution are slim.

    You did ask for thought so these are mine.

Children