Published on 12, July, 2020
On my parents and my husband. I hate being autistic and depressed and unable to get through a whole day without being exhausted by the end of it from doing nothing. I feel guilty when I am not ok so can’t talk to my husband as he will go back to drinking in order to cope. I can’t talk to my mum because she has had enough of dealing with my problems and wants to live an happy uncomplicated life now in to retirement. My life is destined to be miserable with chronic depression and the only reason I am still here is because I don’t want to leave my children with no mum. I’m not sure what use I am here alive and miserable though either, that will also affect them. I try to avoid letting them see me sad so I cry in another room whilst they play and laugh together being kids. I wish I had the energy every day to play with them and be happy like I can in short stints. I know the loss of their mum at such a young age could be detrimental to them and I want them to be happy. This is no life. Some days are hard and todays one of those days, or weeks or months, or however long this depression lingers for this time
Hello Chloe, that’s good, autism and depression unfortunately seem to go hand in hand. Tomorrow will be a better day. It’s not easy but remember you always have your neurokin to talk to.
Thank you to everyone who has replied I appreciate all your kind words. I’ve had a sleep and it has helped somewhat. Tomorrow is a new day hopefully this will be over soon. I’m so grateful for this community forum
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You are not a burden. Your family love you and they would be lost and destroyed without you.
I'm very sorry to read how you are feeling Chloe.
I'm sure you aren't a burden to anyone but depression itself can be/is a burden.
I'm personally helped by antidepressants.
With regard to the constant exhaustion, sometimes there are medical causes for this (eg. anaemia, under-active thyroid, diabetes) so if you haven't visited a GP, maybe you could?
Life is constantly evolving and things do change, and often for the better.
That is what has happened in my life - the last 3 decades have been better in many ways than the 1st 3.
Treat yourself as precious and look after yourself, as best you can.
x
I'm so sorry you feel this way. Just try to remember that people want and need you around. Hold on tight to that knowledge.
Hi Chloe,
I'm sorry to read that you feel this way right now.
I want you to know though despite how you're feeling you are NOT a burden. You have difficulties which make things harder for you, I do as well, and you've got to remember that you don't choose to be this way. None of us choose it. I feel like there's good days and bad days in life. Today is obviously a bad day for you but remember another good day will come soon. It doesn't rain forever, right?
It might help for you to talk to Samaritans. They don't judge and can be really supportive when you need a listening ear. Sometimes having someone to talk to can make a huge difference and lift a lot off of your chest.
Depression really sucks. I'm sorry. But it does get better. Keep fighting. Ride out the bad days and celebrate the good days.