Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey! I am actually going for an assessment here in the US in a few weeks but I am gathering info. I am a 40 y/o woman and I ended up here because my kids are both done with school and I decided to attempt making a friend group for myself. I didn't seem to able to so I started researching how and ended up here.
It is both nice and sad to see myself explained. Sad only because my family could have been more accepting and loving of things when I was young.
Anyway, I still want friends lol
Irl people are going to want an official diagnosis if I am going to bring it up so I'll have to wait. I do have one question. Does it help to let people now you're autistic or does that make things harder? I feel like it would make it easier to explain some things about myself and maybe being able to connect better. Then I thought it might just make people avoid ne from the start.
Advice?
No offense meant Chlotte, but the fact that you are asking this on a UK forum says a lot. I lived in the US for 5 years and from what I experienced the US is even worse than the UK in how autism is viewed.
With neurotypical people I don't say "I'm autistic" and expect them to understand. I try to be specific whilst standing up for my needs. Mainstream society does not understand autism. At best they view it as a learning disability, or they don't even know what the word means. I say things like " Can I get back to you because I need time to think about what you just said", "That doesn't work for me. It's best for me if I...", "Socialising that way isn't beneficial for me so thanks for the offer but I won't be attending. It's nothing personal ". So to answer your question it doesn't help either to disclose or not disclose because general awareness needs to shift for that to happen. To advocate for yourself takes a lot of courage and so many of us are so burnt out from simply trying to survive in a system that is not catering our needs. Things are changing but in the meantime we need to be aware that there are prejudices and be cautious about keeping ourselves safe, and keep paying attention to laws specific to where we live because there are dire consequences for being viewed a certain way by society.
You are correct in a way about the out of country forum use. I can't find ANYTHING like this in my own country. I am still looking.
I'm not surprised. Which region are you in?
I know feeling bad about yourself, blaming yourself for not coping and feeling there's something wrong with you. Having an explanation for how your nervous system is and how your brain works is such a relief.
I lived in the Midwest. There was a lot of ignorance about mental health and of course the opiate problem. So many children at my son's school were not living with their parents because their parents had died or couldn't cope.
Thank you. I am back in the UK and feeling much better. Being around familiar things and environment has lessened my sensory issues and my nervous system has calmed down a lot.
I am in the south east. Also. I have had the same things told to me like your husband said. But I wasn't diagnosed so it was lots of people and all I could do was feel bad about myself because I figured they were all correct. I am truly sorry you went through that