Terrified of work

Congrats on the librarian job Billy! I think your instincts are right and that it will suit you well (though don’t feel any pressure that it ‘must’) It’s just that adjustment takes longer for us when big change, even if positive, occurs. May I ask if it’s a public library or an academic one? In the case of the latter, this time of year is a time of respite and welcome going down a gear or two, but I can imagine that *starting* in that more fallow time might be unsettling as it’s not entirely business as usual and the place might be off it’s usual rhythms if that makes sense. 
 
I’ve noticed that even things I’ve looked forward to, like Christmas, it takes me a day to properly settle into - there’s a kind of ‘make the most of it’ factor that makes the clock tick too loud too early in one’s head. And then there’s that second half of the holiday where I’m finally caught up to the state of total relaxation everyone else got to right at the start of the holiday, but I’ve kind of squandered the time a bit. It’s hard to articulate entirely accurately what I mean. But maybe the gist is that what’s good and right for us can feel unsettling too, like the oxygen is too rich. But you will acclimatise in time I think. Hopefully a week, a month, two months from now, you’ll be in a trusted routine where you know the ropes and the rhythms of the place and can be more at peace, aligned to a job that might very well be the needed ideal if you’re still to work at all. 

Congrats on the librarian job Billy! I think your instincts are right and that it will suit you well (though don’t feel any pressure that it ‘must’) It’s just that adjustment takes longer for us when big change, even if positive, occurs. May I ask if it’s a public library or an academic one? In the case of the latter, this time of year is a time of respite and welcome going down a gear or two, but I can imagine that *starting* in that more fallow time might be unsettling as it’s not entirely business as usual and the place might be off it’s usual rhythms if that makes sense. 
 
I’ve noticed that even things I’ve looked forward to, like Christmas, it takes me a day to properly settle into - there’s a kind of ‘make the most of it’ factor that makes the clock tick too loud too early in one’s head. And then there’s that second half of the holiday where I’m finally caught up to the state of total relaxation everyone else got to right at the start of the holiday, but I’ve kind of squandered the time a bit. It’s hard to articulate entirely accurately what I mean. But maybe the gist is that what’s good and right for us can feel unsettling too, like the oxygen is too rich. But you will acclimatise in time I think. Hopefully a week, a month, two months from now, you’ll be in a trusted routine where you know the ropes and the rhythms of the place and can be more at peace, aligned to a job that might very well be the needed ideal if you’re still to work at all. 

P.s. I’ve worked with quite a few former teachers who became librarians instead and it saved their sanity and healed them from past stress. I’ve never heard one of them regret the change and wish it reversed. But it also took them time to unclench their fists a bit - so used were they to preparing for battle each day. Your stress and anxiety could be something like ptsd that finally has room (in a less stressful - if not stress free (it is a job after all!) work life) to make itself felt in the contrast. Like lingering background radiation. I think it will largely fade. Steadily. I hope so.