Published on 12, July, 2020
I spoke about a situation on here last month. We're now two months on.
I have a therapist and a trusted contact I speak to on a regular basis as a means of trying to find a way forward and proving to myself (first and foremost) that I won't go there again. What happened has happened and I can't change it. A complete break from social media is not the worst thing for me given how unhealthy my usage of it was.
I was already prone to catastrophising but it has increased tenfold. As mentioned in the above post, I changed my phone number because I feared I would be doxxed. I remain afraid that my address (which a few of my friends at the time had) will be posted online encouraging people to send me abuse. I don't work currently but I fear that if I did, someone will find my employer and try and get me sacked. These are people with 15k+ followers so people will follow what they say.
I don't wish to regurgitate everything that's in the above post, but there's no intention for me to gain sympathy or to play the victim, cos I know I screwed up. It took me a while though to accept the fact that, even though this is entirely my doing, I am allowed to feel sad about what has happened. I feel like I am grieving in a way, and that's okay.
I had no issue with those close to me (at the time) calling me out on my actions; that was the right thing to do. When total strangers are making it personal (much as I understand why given the situation in question), it's hard to really learn from that. Messaging me to tell me how much of an awful person I am is just sticking the knife in, plus when they say "we will never forget this" I'm not sure how that works in practice. Am I meant to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life?
I think the one that sticks out is where someone suggested that I'm not even actually autistic and I was making it up. That person doesn't know a single thing about me.
I hate pile-ons. I've seen it happen to people who did way less than what I did. I wouldn't want it to happen to my worst enemy, I don't believe it actually achieves anything. This does fly in the face of me saying that there have been some silver linings and that it did make me take the situation a bit more seriously, but I still don't want anyone else to go through the same thing. There has to be a healthier way.
If you want my advice, which is basically why you’re here I think, i’d say the best thing for you is to give up on online socialisation and try and get yourself a social life in the real world.
I’m not saying trying to make friends online is wrong. But it’s clearly not been working very well for you. Although it’s notable that Twitter is one of the most toxic backbiting places on the Internet.
if I were you I’d think very hard about how I can start making friends face-to-face in my local area. Making some new friends might give you a whole new perspective on life. I don’t know the details of the controversy you were caught up in. But Twitter is full of echo Chambers and if you happen to hit the raw nerve they’re sensitive spot the reaction can be out of all proportion.
The real world tends to have a more even mix of different people from different backgrounds. some off-line socialisation would probably do you the world of good.
Peter said: it’s notable that Twitter is one of the most toxic backbiting places on the Internet.
Absolutely - that platform was always bad but under current management has spiralled rapidly out of contro into a very right leaning, hate filled cesspool.
I personally would delete the posts or account to remove this blemish on your online presence and move on to something healthier.
Most social media is fairly unhealty mentally as you end up trying to curate a fake image of your life and culture likes from people you don't actually know.
Who does it benefit? Do you need their adulation?
I would suggest moving your energy to something more meaningul like volunteering for a charity where you actually do some good rather than just being another post on peoples doom scrolling screens.
HMO said:ven though it has stopped, I don't have any protection against it starting up again. I wouldn't mind if it was just an online thing but this could easily affect me in real life.
Thing of it as a valuable life lesson - what you put on the internet is forever and if you get into serious arguements or post contentious views, then don't be surpresed if the trolls come after you.
I'm assuming you tried to delete the posts before you deleted the accounts.
You have no effective protection from doxxing other than moving house and staying off social media.
Learn from it, deal with it and move on in a way it doesn't happen again.
I deleted my Twitter and Instagram accounts entirely. That doesn't prevent people following me around, especially if it's still rather raw (which it feels for me). At the time, they dug up posts I'd made on Reddit too.
Even though it has stopped, I don't have any protection against it starting up again. I wouldn't mind if it was just an online thing but this could easily affect me in real life. Again, there's nothing stopping them.