Published on 12, July, 2020
I spoke about a situation on here last month. We're now two months on.
I have a therapist and a trusted contact I speak to on a regular basis as a means of trying to find a way forward and proving to myself (first and foremost) that I won't go there again. What happened has happened and I can't change it. A complete break from social media is not the worst thing for me given how unhealthy my usage of it was.
I was already prone to catastrophising but it has increased tenfold. As mentioned in the above post, I changed my phone number because I feared I would be doxxed. I remain afraid that my address (which a few of my friends at the time had) will be posted online encouraging people to send me abuse. I don't work currently but I fear that if I did, someone will find my employer and try and get me sacked. These are people with 15k+ followers so people will follow what they say.
I don't wish to regurgitate everything that's in the above post, but there's no intention for me to gain sympathy or to play the victim, cos I know I screwed up. It took me a while though to accept the fact that, even though this is entirely my doing, I am allowed to feel sad about what has happened. I feel like I am grieving in a way, and that's okay.
I had no issue with those close to me (at the time) calling me out on my actions; that was the right thing to do. When total strangers are making it personal (much as I understand why given the situation in question), it's hard to really learn from that. Messaging me to tell me how much of an awful person I am is just sticking the knife in, plus when they say "we will never forget this" I'm not sure how that works in practice. Am I meant to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life?
I think the one that sticks out is where someone suggested that I'm not even actually autistic and I was making it up. That person doesn't know a single thing about me.
I hate pile-ons. I've seen it happen to people who did way less than what I did. I wouldn't want it to happen to my worst enemy, I don't believe it actually achieves anything. This does fly in the face of me saying that there have been some silver linings and that it did make me take the situation a bit more seriously, but I still don't want anyone else to go through the same thing. There has to be a healthier way.
If you want my advice, which is basically why you’re here I think, i’d say the best thing for you is to give up on online socialisation and try and get yourself a social life in the real world.
I’m not saying trying to make friends online is wrong. But it’s clearly not been working very well for you. Although it’s notable that Twitter is one of the most toxic backbiting places on the Internet.
if I were you I’d think very hard about how I can start making friends face-to-face in my local area. Making some new friends might give you a whole new perspective on life. I don’t know the details of the controversy you were caught up in. But Twitter is full of echo Chambers and if you happen to hit the raw nerve they’re sensitive spot the reaction can be out of all proportion.
The real world tends to have a more even mix of different people from different backgrounds. some off-line socialisation would probably do you the world of good.
It worked okay at first, but then it spiralled out of control. Even if I managed to make friends in real life, I would have to come clean about what happened eventually. I'd feel guilty for harbouring this secret from them.
Once I get some confidence though I might be more willing to try.
You don’t owe the people in your life and explanation about every chequered moment of your past. And in fact the majority of them do not want this. There might be a handful of really close friends you could trust and confide in about these sorts of issues, but just socialising in a group when you’re getting to know people there is no need for the group as a whole to know your past drama.
most of them would probably prefer not to know. Because if you tell them the story they probably feel like they have to take sides in a situation they are far removed from and that is far in the past.
I’d like to tell you but this is a welcome and opening place without any toxicity as well. I’d like to tell you that but I can’t. I strongly suggest you do not take the reaction of people here to be representative of the wider world.
that said that there is absolutely no point people in the real world knowing your Twitter handle.
you introduce yourself as John Doe not HMO. You don’t have to share your Twitter account if people in the real world and you don’t have to use your real name on your Twitter account. In fact if your real name is on your Twitter account I advise you to remove it.
One of the few advantages of online interaction is if drama does bubble over you can more or less cut it off from your real life, provided you don’t use identifying details on social media.
The main reason behind that is because I'd rather they hear it from me than them potentially searching my name on Twitter and seeing everything. I would feel guilty if I had actually developed a bond with someone and I was keeping this from them.
That said, I know from experience that being open about what happened doesn't soften the blow.