Published on 12, July, 2020
I say "does anyone else" like it's a unique experience, particularly for the Autistics among us with terrible rumination issues, but I've noticed it is getting worse for me.
I can't respond to things in the moment so I end up really frustrated and angry immediately after.
I think a lot about future conversations. I see a therapist and I spend hours on end thinking about what I'll say, how I'll say it and even with a list of notes to accompany me, I'll still come away afterwards thinking about what I wish I said.
Is it because I'm not "in the moment" enough?
If it seemed like a substantial topic then yes a little bit, enough to assess it's additional context then file it under "do something about it" or "let it go" depending on what it's importance actually came to in the end.But small stuff I almosty always let go, and especially interactions with strangers and other one-offs I will likely never have to see again or have to interact with.
Yep. If it's a lengthy conversation that I care about, then I find myself being bothered about how I'm going about it but less so if it's a brief interaction with someone I barely know, especially if it was neither good nor bad.
Oh another thing I remembered (almost forgot because I haven't had to do it in a long while) is sometimes if the conversation going awry was so big that it can't be taken back or rectified after the fact I also have to make the executive decision to let it go for my own sanity rather than continually torment myself mentally over things that can't be unsaid anyway.
Iain said:Autists find this sort of change hard to do as out patterns of thinking become quite fixed, but once you learn to do this and reinforce it, it becomes the new normal.
Yes, it is indeed a learned skill. It actually wasn't 3-4 weeks at least not consistently more like it took a year on and off for me to get it %100 haha, but it's been worth it.
It's definitely much easier if it doesn't feel like the thing is 'haunting' me, if that makes sense. If I hurt someone but I know they're not going to publicly shame me or something, then that makes it a bit easier - otherwise I'm always going to worry because then I worry about my safety.
Some things are easier to let go of than others, especially once I objectively look at the situation and realise I don't actually care.
HMO said:There have been times where it has taken ages to let go of something that is truly, objectively gone. The only thing that has allowed me to do so is if something else comes along to almost act as an initial distraction.
The decision to let something go is just that - a decision; a concious choice.
Autists find this sort of change hard to do as out patterns of thinking become quite fixed, but once you learn to do this and reinforce it, it becomes the new normal.
I think the time for the change of neural pathways for this sort of thing is 3-4 weeks, so it is good to practice lots during that time. Scary stuff, but in a few months you will look back and say "meh, that was easy".
Yeah. There's things I've said that I'm not proud of (unintentionally) and I can apologise but it's difficult accepting that you may never be able to make amends.
There have been times where it has taken ages to let go of something that is truly, objectively gone. The only thing that has allowed me to do so is if something else comes along to almost act as an initial distraction.