Published on 12, July, 2020
I say "does anyone else" like it's a unique experience, particularly for the Autistics among us with terrible rumination issues, but I've noticed it is getting worse for me.
I can't respond to things in the moment so I end up really frustrated and angry immediately after.
I think a lot about future conversations. I see a therapist and I spend hours on end thinking about what I'll say, how I'll say it and even with a list of notes to accompany me, I'll still come away afterwards thinking about what I wish I said.
Is it because I'm not "in the moment" enough?
I do this all the time.
I try and improve my responses to people talking to me by taking a few seconds before responding to actually think about what my response is going to be, rather than say the first thing I think of.
I might spend ages thinking about the points I will bring up in a conversation, and still leave the conversation feeling like I've missed things out. I don't really want to approach a casual conversation with a list of notes.
HMO said:I might spend ages thinking about the points I will bring up in a conversation, and still leave the conversation feeling like I've missed things out. I don't really want to approach a casual conversation with a list of notes.
If you know you have lots of points to raise, you may even write them down but don't take them into the conversation with you, knowing you will probably forget most, then you realise you are setting yourself up to fail right?
You can do 1 of 3 things here.
1 - take the notes in, be a bit nerdy in doing so but get the conversation you want.
2 - keep doing what you are doing and keep on failing to have the full conversation that will lead to more overthinking it later on.
3 - go into the conversation, be authentic yourself, probably miss some bits but feel much less stressed and not seem nerdy, creating a better impression for the other party in the conversation. Prevent the overthinking post discussion and realise it was more natural, authentic and less stressful than before.
My vote would be the 3rd point.
Yeah. There was a life-defining event two months ago which has, ironically, made it easier to think of things to talk about. Not just what happened but the way my life was before it happened.
There's been a lot of talk about what I've learnt and what I intend to change about my life, and the things about my life I felt were unfulfilling etc.
I keep a daily diary in addition to notes I make to go into sessions with, and I have been doing so for a while.
HMO said: It has mostly been reflection though.
You will probably move onto the "taking your power" stage soon after this - that is where it gets interesting, scary and awesome all at the same time.
Where you are at sounds like the "upacking trauma" stage which is important to understand why you are the way you are and process that trauma to let it go. Once this is done you can start work on developing better coping mechanisms including what we have been talking about here.
I would recommend writing a journal if you are not already as some of this stuff flies by and is soon forgotten, but having it on paper helps make sense of it and be easily recalled if needed.
I speak to a therapist currently yeah. It's person centred so there hasn't been much in terms of "homework" but I am working on allowing myself to let my guard down and unmask even a little bit in her sessions.
I approach every session with notes on things I want to work on/cover which has been good. It has mostly been reflection though.
If you have access to a therapist then they should be able to help you with this, including role play.
Then you move on to practice - if you want to do this but don't have someone you feel confident in trying with then drop me a line and we can do this - assuming the mods are OK with us talking outside the forum.
A few short sessions to start with will give you a feel for it then you can try to actively use the techniques.
It takes courage to make that first step.
The third point is the dream. I think I let myself get stressed over pretty much any conversation and I begin to overthink it, and then it just builds up into something which I can't control.