Published on 12, July, 2020
I am new to this site and after such a long time struggling and not fitting in, I thought I had found a place where I do fit in and can be me. (Which is a big deal). I am struggling to deal with how being misdiagnosed for many years has left me and felt this was a safe space to ask questions and relate to others.
I am unfortunately a unicorns and rainbows girl, I hate toxicity and arguments and do anything to avoid them. The arguments I have been seeing on here in my short time, are these regular or is it just a blip? Sorry to sound wet or judgey but I need to know, as someone just setting off on this new journey of discovery I need to feel like I am in a healthy space here.
Makes me sad to think I may have to leave here and have nowhere to go for advice. Anyway those of you who have given me advice or comments thank you it has been greatly appreciated. Please do not be too mean to me in the comments, I am sorry I feel this way. I wont read them and will come back in a week and see how things are on the forum.
You know I have a fond memory of two people (the president and former president of my Anime Society) standing out on the balcony arguing loudly for what seemed like nearly an hour about weather an Elephant dropped from a sufficiently high height would explode on impact with the ground.
they was so engrossed in the argument but we actually locked from out on the balcony without them realising it and we just kept arguing for what seems like ages after that until they finally discovered they were trapped there.
And yet they were good friends and it was a friendly argument. They didn’t leave that balcony cussing each other out. In fact I think they went to the pub after.
and we didn’t lock them on the balcony because we were scared of them. we did it because they were noisy and interrupting our fun and also because we thought it would be hilarious when they found out.
no one expects you to enjoy the conflict or join in with the conflict. But don’t assume just because an argument is going on thaT behind the keyboard people are sharpening their knives wishing they could stab the other party in the front.
we’re actually quite friendly amiable people mostly. but we are like those two on the balcony. we are not willing to let the argument go while the other person doesn’t knowledge we are right.
Peter said: we are not willing to let the argument go while the other person doesn’t knowledge we are right.
You should have said 'I' there Peter, not 'we'.
A lot of people on this forum do compromise all the time, including myself.
The certainty that I am 'right' is something I don't often experience, especially in ethical issues and I think that 's what makes you (+a very few others) somewhat intractable in discussions.
Being able to see another person's point of view and to maintain at least a little bit of doubt over our own viewpoints is essential I think if there is ever to be accord.
I'll take that in good grace but I can certainly say I'm not the only argumentative person on the forum by a very long way nor am I particularly ashamed to be argumentative. A robust argument is very informative and educational. I do at least think I am one of the more civil of the argumentative crowed.
Peter said:A robust argument is very informative and educational.
For you maybe, but when the disagreement is about something that is a trigger for past suffering of the person you are in debate with, it's very personal and quite often very painful for them.