Is this site always like this?

Peter said:

A robust argument is very informative and educational.

For you maybe, but when the disagreement is about something that is a trigger for past suffering of the person you are in debate with, it's very personal and quite often very painful for them.

I do but not to the degree that some people are taking it. I truly don't understand the vitriol some people display. And the unwillingness to engage with arguments. As if repeating 'no I am right and you are wrong' with out offering any arguments in justification is a meaningful response to a point of view you don't agree with. I don't understand why individuals want to 'shout the other person down' in stead of employing reasoned debate. After all that approach generally makes one look stupid.

Certainly if you care about the debate you are going to get more into it. Emotions get engaged. But why people want to transfer their emotions about the issue into spite and hatred for the people arguing against them ... that's quite different.

Can you understand why someone might be less likely to see it as a friendly but intense disagreement that you can walk away from smiling if it isn't something irrelevant like whether falling elephants explode and something serious and important to their life, such as the kinds of arguments that have erupted here lately? 

I'll take that in good grace but I can certainly say I'm not the only argumentative person on the forum by a very long way nor am I particularly ashamed to be argumentative. A robust argument is very informative and educational. I do at least think I am one of the more civil of the argumentative crowed.

Peter said:

we are not willing to let the argument go while the other person doesn’t knowledge we are right.

You should have said 'I' there Peter, not 'we'.

A lot of people on this forum do compromise all the time, including myself.

The certainty that I am 'right' is something I don't often experience, especially in ethical issues and I think that 's what makes you (+a very few others) somewhat intractable in discussions.

Being able to see another person's point of view and to maintain at least a little bit of doubt over our own viewpoints is essential I think if there is ever to be accord.

Salsa said:

I am unfortunately a unicorns and rainbows girl, I hate toxicity and arguments and do anything to avoid them.

Also remember unicorns aren’t always nice https://youtu.be/Uv5VR06hES8

You know I have a fond memory of two people (the president and former president of my Anime Society) standing out on the balcony arguing loudly for what seemed like nearly an hour about weather an Elephant dropped from a sufficiently high height would explode on impact with the ground.

they was so engrossed in the argument but we actually locked from out on the balcony without them realising it and we just kept arguing for what seems like ages after that until they finally discovered they were trapped there.

And yet they were good friends and it was a friendly argument. They didn’t leave that balcony cussing each other out. In fact I think they went to the pub after.

and we didn’t lock them on the balcony because we were scared of them. we did it because they were noisy and interrupting our fun and also because we thought it would be hilarious when they found out.

no one expects you to enjoy the conflict or join in with the conflict. But don’t assume just because an argument is going on thaT behind the keyboard people are sharpening their knives wishing they could stab the other party in the front.

we’re actually quite friendly amiable people mostly. but we are like those two on the balcony. we are not willing to let the argument go while the other person doesn’t knowledge we are right.

Hi there, I hope you had a good week by the time you get back to these. I've got no helpful input but I'm coming from a similar position to you. Although I dress grungy, I'm actually (not so) secretly a rainbows and unicorns person (albeit with a somewhat negative outlook on myself and life!) too and I'm scared of conflict, etc. It's reassuring to see others say that this isn't a usual thing for here because I'd been worried as well as a newbie, but hopefully we'll both see that this isn't how things usually are and meet some really nice people and feel part of the community in time too. 

Salsa said:

Makes me sad to think I may have to leave here and have nowhere to go for advice.

Please stay - the sort of issues you have seen here will happen on any discussion site once in a while when a handful of people with strongly held views try to fight for their viewpoint to be seen as right rather than just accepting that they are different.

There is a lot of good stuff here and many wonderful posters so leaving would be like throwing the baby out with the bath water.

It will cool down but in the meantime just avoid reading the posts that get heated and go back to the nice ones.

I did have a laugh about the rainbows and unicorns comment as I had just seen the Squaty Potty commercial ( warning, may be seen as a bit rude but is an actual product. Contains references to going to the toilet. It had me in stiches ).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbYWhdLO43Q

Hi Salsa,

I hope you have had a good break away and things have got better. I too don't like confrontation - it is a huge trigger for me. I need things to be quiet and stable and kind.

I used to live in New Zealand and like the "Be Kind" message from the previous Prime Minister. 

I have once upset someone on the Forums and I felt so awful about it and hopefully made amends.

Take care and post and stay around.

Mrs Snooks

Welcome I would say this is not usual.  Certain subjects tend to get out of hand on here.  You learn which threads to avoid

No this isn't a regular thing. It happens every now and then but it's not all the time. If you see any posts like that the best thing to do is to ignore it otherwise it will upset you. That's what I've been doing. I don't participate in these types of threads.