Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't know about others, but I'm getting a little concerned that the arguments will put off new members.
Quite often people join and then disappear quite quickly.
I've been involved in these myself on occasion, so I'm not innocent.
However, maybe the mods could create a section where these potentially contentious threads could be placed that had a heading like NSFW (a new one on me but it seems to be well known).
If a seemingly innocuous thread then turns into a constant argument, perhaps it could be moved to there.
It's sometimes interraction between older males and older females (or non binary etc) and comes down to very different relationship/*ex points of view but can of course stem from any subject and any set of contributors.
I think it happens more often than it once did, and I've not been here a year yet.
I've come close to leaving several times because frankly, these arguments usually happen around matters of sex or whether something is 'woke', and I inevitably feel like some people aren't safe to speak to about those topics. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt because as autistic folks we can easily be misunderstood even by each other, but there have been things said in these conversations that are hugely insensitive to people's lived experiences and it makes me really uncomfortable about sharing my own.
I don't think insensitive is the correct phrasing, but yes despite rules there are a few repeat offenders that don't think or didn't think those rules apply to them and it creates a toxic and harmful environment.People use the word accuse a lot, but say-so is one thing and proof is another. At the end of the day everyone has access to the community manager email to point out rule breaks and to tag mods on volatile posts, and if they feel rules have been broken should use those feautures as they are intended.If people feel they have been slandered they should report it, and let it go in to the hands of the mods, because it this point it's becoming a paradox that people are accusing people of making accusations and seldom with substantiative proof, which if it exists should be taken to the mods rather than perpetuating the cycle of bad vibes.
I think part of a problem in this specific situation is that the people are who are accused are often the openers of threads. And they’re often fairly new to the forum and one of the earliest experiences of the forum is being accused of something heinous. And mods response is typically to come along and lock the thread witch they have created reinforcing the impression that they have done something wrong.
The mods standard practice of dealing with difficult situations in threads actually sends totally the wrong message and it’s really alienating in that specific set of circumstances
I do not understand this in relation to the post that it is ostensibly replying to. Perhaps I do not understand it at all.
OMG. This is sooooooooooo irritating. You want to convince me that someone who was kicking in the wounds and triggers of a human with PTSD until late last night, a human who didn't do anything to hurt them, is feeling bad about bringing the mods down on someone who actually hurt them so bad and "accused" them of crimes?!?! We are autistic but not fools!!!!! OMG I'm sorry but this is so damn irritating!!. Please solve your issues with the mods and LET US BE!!! Gosh.
100%
Great question!!!
It's good to hear you try give people the benefit of the doubt, I know I can be rather firm so I suspect it may surprise people to know that I've always at least tried to do so with people too.I know we have disagreements some of them vehement even, but at least on this I agree with you, locking the threads (sometimes) seems to just kick the can down the road for the ill sentiment and misunderstandings or animosity to resurface on another thread later down the line. But I think I know atleast why they lock them, it is to save us all from just rehashing the same old adnauseum because a lot of us are just coming from life from different ends of the table and will inevitably have some clash, so they lock it to put a cool down on us rather than let it carry on and on with people potentially verbally beating eachother over the head in an escalating manner. It's likely a difficult decision they make and requires them to weight the pros and cons in the balance.
I think if there’s anything I could say to the mods it would be you need to stop locking these angry argumentative threads.
you’re not making the issue go away. people will continue to bump heads on the matter. in fact I think possibly by locking a thread you’re just pouring petrol on the fire.
You assume that I didn’t? I honestly can’t say if I did Report them all I’ve reported some. And also I feel bad about bringing the mods down upon people for saying things in the heat of the moment. I know how easy it is to get carried away and I wouldn’t want to get anyone banned.
also to be honest it’s starting to feel rather futile because I know that all the mods are likely to do is lock another important thread talking about something that needs to be discussed. It seems like a disservice to the OP to be reporting people in his thread when I know it’s going to get the thread locked and it not be OPs fault.
Peter said:In my view one or two comments went beyond simply bad advice into full blown accusation.
But if you really believe that to be genuinely the case why didn't you report it to a mod? And at the time it happened too? rarther than let it fester. That's what the mods are here for.