Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello!
im new and I just want some advice. As much as you can give me. My partner has autism (still awaiting diagnosis- we’ve gonna have to save up for it private) and I just always feel like I’m not doing things right. I’ve spent hours researching and googling on how to be the best partner but I still feel like I get it wrong.
I know that they don’t always mean what they say to me but sometimes their joke can be really hurtful and I never say anything as I’m worried they’ll shut down or worse leave me.
I love my partner dearly and I just want to be the best partner I can be for them!
Thanks in advance!
Being the 'perfect partner' of anyone is an unattainable goal, so do not put pressure on yourself to try to achieve this. Any relationship should be a 'two way street', and your partner, autistic or not, is as responsible for making your relationship work as you are; so do not take all of the burden on yourself. Autistic people tend to be very loyal partners, if this helps to relieve your worries about being abandoned. I am autistic, and have been married for 26 years to my, neurotypical, wife. I think that the main piece of advice when dealing with an autistic person in any situation is to try to communicate in a clear and direct manner. Do not expect your partner to pick up on how you are feeling, if they have offended you or worried you by their actions. They are very unlikely to do so intuitively from your expression, hints, or anything at all subtle. You need to tell them directly. If you are hurt by an insensitive remark, just tell them, and describe exactly how and why their remark (or action) has been hurtful.