Autism or trauma.

I don't think there are many untraumatised autistic people, sadly! I've heard that there are a lot of similarities between ASC and C-PTSD before, many of these conditions overlap. Living a life in a world not built for us and dealing with communication and sensory stuff all the time is bound to have an impact, just to start with. Someone who is autistic and ADHD probably does look somewhat different to someone who is just autistic. I've not got ADHD, but my flatmate is both and she's more outgoing than I am, probably, but I'm also relatively sociable for an autistic person! I'm a woman though, so was socialised into being socially motivated too. Autistic people do tend to try and camouflage ourselves to fit in with those around us and mirror behaviours to be accepted, but it's difficult and exhausting sometimes so not trying and starting to unmask is probably a good thing! 

I'm pleased you've found EMDR helpful, I've never done it but it sounds interesting.

I like this message, thank you. I didn't have much to go on before i was diagnosed, and like other people i have heard of were not diagnosed until their 40s - which is my case. What i have also learnt now is that my father is obviously Autistic ( Asperger's) but without ADHD and that would be a genetic link to myself, and everything suddenly became clear as to why our relationship has been so poor over the decades. He is literal, doesn't like small talk, poor eye contact, has the stereotypical profile ( Forensic Scientist /studied Chemistry and Physics) he will also walk through people and not around them if they are chatting in public which embarasses my mother, and can be very blunt and appears rude at times. He cannot express emotions and gets upset if his routine or plans are disrupted in any way. That in some way alongside my mother's childhood assessment evidence assured me the diagnosis might be correct. I was told i used to have massive ' tantrums ' that would happen out of the blue and for no apparent reason and it would ruin a family day out but i am told they are not tantrums but ' meltdowns '. I can't remember this except on one of two occassions where my mother tried to put me in a playschool and i screamed the place down ( it was too noisy and confusing) and she had to remove me, and when they moved to another area when i was 5 and would refuse to go through the new school gates and did the same thing. However in saying all that, i have significant trauma which my father does not, although he worked on crime scenes in his career, it was so difficult to know because we never had much of a relationship because he was so cut off emotionally and absorbed in his world like myself. I was a bedroom 'dweller' that would get drained from being around others for too long and would need to be alone for days at a time.

I told my assessor this week that I feel my father is ASD by my own observation of behaviours and the difficulties we have had building a relationship. To add further complication, I only met him when I was 35.

I told my assessor this week that I feel my father is ASD by my own observation of behaviours and the difficulties we have had building a relationship. To add further complication, I only met him when I was 35.

I only became acutely aware than my father was Autistic ( undiagnosed) after my own diagnosis , because then i studied as much as i could on the subject and it all became painfully clear that my father was also on the spectrum, and no one even noticed.

In fairness he is from a very different time when Autism wasn't even discussed, like depression - in public at least.

I can sympathise, because he's always been around but we never built a relationship either. This is why i don't always believe having a mother and father is any better than coming from a single parent family.

My father was ' absent ' and when he was ' present ' i was punished for having ' tantrums ' or ruining a family day out or he just ignored everyone and would hide behind a newspaper with the TV on, the paper was like a shield around his face , a subconcious message if you like that said ' don't bother me' ' leave me alone '

I used to think he didn't make much eye contact because he did not like me, but now i see that i am quite similar. Which is depressing because he is the last person i wanted to be.

I hope you can find some kind of peace within yourself.