Alexithymia

Hello.

Thanks very much for your in depth reply! I completely agree with all your points.

out_of_step said:

I think masking plays a huge part especially for diagnosed adults.  We have spent a long time putting our own emotions to one side at the expense of everyone around us.

Yes exactly, this is often called fawning or people pleasing. It’s a known threat response. It’s no wonder that if we can’t be our authentic autistic selves in the majority of our environments that we can no longer trust or recognise our own emotions.

‘There's also the sense of being too much or not enough and others' reactions with this ("don't be so ridiculous!"/"that's bad why didn't you say so sooner!?"), compounded with our differences in communication.  We need clear signals from people and when we can have conflicting reactions we don't know where we stand even with ourselves. Also with healthcare professionals not having a great understanding of autism, we can get fobbed off with wrong diagnoses and unsuitable treatment, further making us feel like we don't know who we are. ("Anxiety is worry". Not everytime it isn't!).’

This is called gaslighting and can make us as autistic people internalise how we feel because we very quickly learn that other non autistic people do not experience the world the same way we do. You may find this Aucademy video about masking with Kieran Rose interesting because he makes similar points to you:

Autistic Masking Really video:

https://www.youtube.com/live/NVItB4UZbDY?feature=share

It’s great that you have a better understanding of yourself, this is why autistic identification is so important!

Yes I definitely agree with your point below. Did you know we as autistic people process 42% more information than non autistic people at resting rate?

out_of_step said:

A need for things to be right. Like you said above. Knowing what exactly is going on before we then find the right word to accurately describe how we feel. The fact there are a zillion things going round then having to pinpoint exactly the problem.  We probably get there eventually, it may need more processing time. 

Hello.

Thanks very much for your in depth reply! I completely agree with all your points.

out_of_step said:

I think masking plays a huge part especially for diagnosed adults.  We have spent a long time putting our own emotions to one side at the expense of everyone around us.

Yes exactly, this is often called fawning or people pleasing. It’s a known threat response. It’s no wonder that if we can’t be our authentic autistic selves in the majority of our environments that we can no longer trust or recognise our own emotions.

‘There's also the sense of being too much or not enough and others' reactions with this ("don't be so ridiculous!"/"that's bad why didn't you say so sooner!?"), compounded with our differences in communication.  We need clear signals from people and when we can have conflicting reactions we don't know where we stand even with ourselves. Also with healthcare professionals not having a great understanding of autism, we can get fobbed off with wrong diagnoses and unsuitable treatment, further making us feel like we don't know who we are. ("Anxiety is worry". Not everytime it isn't!).’

This is called gaslighting and can make us as autistic people internalise how we feel because we very quickly learn that other non autistic people do not experience the world the same way we do. You may find this Aucademy video about masking with Kieran Rose interesting because he makes similar points to you:

Autistic Masking Really video:

https://www.youtube.com/live/NVItB4UZbDY?feature=share

It’s great that you have a better understanding of yourself, this is why autistic identification is so important!

Yes I definitely agree with your point below. Did you know we as autistic people process 42% more information than non autistic people at resting rate?

out_of_step said:

A need for things to be right. Like you said above. Knowing what exactly is going on before we then find the right word to accurately describe how we feel. The fact there are a zillion things going round then having to pinpoint exactly the problem.  We probably get there eventually, it may need more processing time. 

I agree with the fawning and people pleasing to some extent but I think (for me anyway), a lot of masking is subconscious. So it isn't always that I intentionally want to please, but that I'm "going along" with things because I don't know any different..... everyone else seems to manage ok.

Ausomely Autistic said:

we can’t be our authentic autistic selves in the majority of our environments that we can no longer trust or recognise our own emotions.

I agree with that however, up until recently, I wouldn't have known how to be my "authentic self"  and I'm not sure I still do in some situations. It's still a learning curve.

Similarly with "gas lighting", I'm not sure the other person intentionally goes out of their way to do this in my experience. The therapists I've had have mostly had the best of intentions. I think it comes down to the double empathy problem really. I like kieran rose, his video on burnout was really useful.

Where did you hear about the 42%, can you post a reference? I had read something similar last year but thought it didn't seem proven. It kind of feels like it could be right but I always like to know more!