Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm the least assertive person you could possibly meet, and will probably only say no to something when I'm at breaking point.
I do believe that so much of my life would be different if I was able to put my foot down without fearing that the other person will physically attack me or something because I said no.
This is my problem too. I came from an abusive family where I was expected to meet the needs of a mother with very low self esteem and frequent volatile mood swings. I have found counselling to be helpful because most of the time I don't see a situation where I could be assertive until it has already passed, then I get all upset I didn't stand up for myself. I have found a good trick is to write down what happened in short form then add not what I should have done but what I will do next time. Then my brain kind of goes to that page if I'm ever in that situation and I can act on it. Otherwise I have found it is a matter of delaying a decision. Don't agree to anything on the spot, be cagey! I have made a whole list of sentences that are along the lines of 'hmm let me check me diary'. 'I'll get back to you on that, I'm very busy at the moment', etc., anything to delay making a decision on the spot when I am most likely to blindly say yes. Delay, delay, delay and then take a moment when its quiet to go through a little list of the things people want from you and respond either yes or no in a calm fashion. With email being a common mode of communication now, it is a lot easier to say no this way later than say it to someone's face in the moment. Unfortunately I have learned this is something that comes with practice but it is something you can get better at :)
My Gran, and most other women in my life, refused to take 'No' for an answer. One even yelled, "Do as I say!" to me; which I lied about when saying 'Yes'!
I need to learn, and grow, while they 'Don't want anything bad happening!'