Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I tried to add a follow up post to one I had already made around this issue but couldn't figure it out so apologies
My partner's continued low libido due to taking medication is absolutely destroying me
I'm finding it so hard to cope, this is causing messed up sleeping, stimming by punching my head and really making my relationship with my partner so difficult.
We have been lucky to get away to some nice places recently and I would have thought the change of scenery, nice hotel rooms, fancy clothes etc would have being a catalyst for intimacy but I'm left feeling destroyed after them because nothing happens and I feel even worse because I allowed myself to hope of something happening and this dashing of hope is one of the worst things
I allow myself the possibility of intimacy, even fantasize about it but when it doesn't happen it destroys me
I do appreciate its not my partner's fault and I struggle to not take it personally, but it still leaves me devastated that I can't even turn my partner on, it tanks my self esteem and makes me feel disgusting.
After every rejection I feel like my heart's being ripped out.
It even got to the stage where I was ready to give up, just to stop trying because what's the point??? The damage to me mentally because of constant rejection is piling up.
It even got to the stage I was planning on not watching my partner get dressed to avoid the possibility of being turned on
I feel this is a pretty ed up thing to do and goes against how I normally behave but I'm torturing myself by keeping trying , am I meant to just pretend I have no drive either??
I feel sick , get moody , struggle to sleep after every rejection.
The only saving grace is me and my partner communicate about things pretty good, but conversations around sex are becoming 'im getting sick of having this conversation" but I feel as it not been resolved of course we are going to have this conversation over and over again.
I love my partner to the moon and back , I truly do but I'm at a loss here, I don't want to lose them over a intimacy issue that's not really there fault.
I discussed with my partner about speaking with their doctor around their medication and that went down like a lead balloon, I get my partner's condition is their priority and I'm not asking them to sacrifice their health for the sake of intimacy, I'm asking that the issues that are being caused by the medication are highlighted to the GP and see if there is there is any thing that could be done differently, to me that seems like a reasonable request but my partner's reaction to me suggests otherwise?
However I can't see that happening, so I'm left in limbo.
This is months and months of near constant rejection, yes we have had spells that have been better but they never last and then I'm back to feeling hopeless and hurt again.
I have no one to turn to, constant communication about this to my partner is going to be seen as pressure and I feel could possibly damage our relationship long term
I don't see a path forward, I'm totally at a loss and I would appreciate all your
Thanks
I don’t know if there’s anything more to be gained for further posting in this thread. It seems the OP has left and isn’t going to be responding anymore and frankly I don’t blame him. He said he came here to ask difficult questions about how best to approach his partner and I am going to assume that it is him until he says otherwise, about how best to approach his Neurotypical partner about the very sensitive and difficult issue of her sexual dysfunction (and I’m going to assume it’s her until I’m told otherwise). And instead of helpful and sympathetic advice he has been basically accused of being a sex criminal. “Man accused of being sex criminal for asking partner about when they might have sex again” sounds like a headline in the onion or private eye. Have no doubt what has taken place here is effectively bullying.l
Without any reasonable basis a small group of individuals have chosen to accuse someone coming looking for help here of being a sex criminal. If that’s not bullying I don’t know what is. And while he may not feel able to stand up and complain about it I certainly do. Is this the kind of welcoming forum we want where people who open up about extremely difficult and sensitive issues in their relationships with Neurotypical partners Will be accused of being sexual predators without rational basis? Never mind us being nice and respectful to each other how has the OP been treated? who was nice to him? Has he been treated respectfully?
Have no doubt what happened here was not social justice, it was not feminism, it was bullying. It should not be allowed to happen again.
It's not OP who has crossed the line, it's those who advocate drugging a mentally unwell person into compliance.
For the record I never accused the OP of being a "Sex criminal" I merely reiterated the importance of respecting consent. "Don't end up a r*pist" isn't the same as "you are a r*pist". Education isn't accusatory or bullying. There have been no posts/replies calling for the OP to be locked up irl, nor banned from the forum. Just a handful of folk expressing the need for caution. You can disagree if you want but reminding people of that moral and legal point regarding consent for their own as much as anyone elses sakes isn't an act of unkindness.
It's a complicated topic. I hope the OP is okay and I hope his/her partner is too. We are all here because we are autistic and autistic people struggle to communicate a lot and maybe that is what is happening here too. We are also all traumatized individuals for the most part.I know you feel strongly for the OP because I think you can identify with some of his struggles. It is the same for the people who feel strongly for the OPs partner. As someone who has struggled with the dysfunctional sexual problems brought on by antidepressant medication I can understand the OPs frustration. I can also understand that maybe their communication could come across a little tangled and we need to be understanding of that. But as someone who was also forced to do things I didn't want to by a partner who didn't understand the struggles I was having I can also understand the fierce desire to protect the OPs partner from harm. At the end of the day everyone here wanted what was best for someone else and maybe that got a little skewed. To the OP: I hope you are ok and that you and your partner can communicate about your problems. That seems the key issue here. I think therapy with you both together would be really helpful so you can talk things through. If your relationship doesn't survive, it's ok to be sad. When you are ready, there will be other people out there that you might find more compatibility with. It's a difficult place to be in and I hope everyone involved can take care of themselves as best they can.