Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I tried to add a follow up post to one I had already made around this issue but couldn't figure it out so apologies
My partner's continued low libido due to taking medication is absolutely destroying me
I'm finding it so hard to cope, this is causing messed up sleeping, stimming by punching my head and really making my relationship with my partner so difficult.
We have been lucky to get away to some nice places recently and I would have thought the change of scenery, nice hotel rooms, fancy clothes etc would have being a catalyst for intimacy but I'm left feeling destroyed after them because nothing happens and I feel even worse because I allowed myself to hope of something happening and this dashing of hope is one of the worst things
I allow myself the possibility of intimacy, even fantasize about it but when it doesn't happen it destroys me
I do appreciate its not my partner's fault and I struggle to not take it personally, but it still leaves me devastated that I can't even turn my partner on, it tanks my self esteem and makes me feel disgusting.
After every rejection I feel like my heart's being ripped out.
It even got to the stage where I was ready to give up, just to stop trying because what's the point??? The damage to me mentally because of constant rejection is piling up.
It even got to the stage I was planning on not watching my partner get dressed to avoid the possibility of being turned on
I feel this is a pretty ed up thing to do and goes against how I normally behave but I'm torturing myself by keeping trying , am I meant to just pretend I have no drive either??
I feel sick , get moody , struggle to sleep after every rejection.
The only saving grace is me and my partner communicate about things pretty good, but conversations around sex are becoming 'im getting sick of having this conversation" but I feel as it not been resolved of course we are going to have this conversation over and over again.
I love my partner to the moon and back , I truly do but I'm at a loss here, I don't want to lose them over a intimacy issue that's not really there fault.
I discussed with my partner about speaking with their doctor around their medication and that went down like a lead balloon, I get my partner's condition is their priority and I'm not asking them to sacrifice their health for the sake of intimacy, I'm asking that the issues that are being caused by the medication are highlighted to the GP and see if there is there is any thing that could be done differently, to me that seems like a reasonable request but my partner's reaction to me suggests otherwise?
However I can't see that happening, so I'm left in limbo.
This is months and months of near constant rejection, yes we have had spells that have been better but they never last and then I'm back to feeling hopeless and hurt again.
I have no one to turn to, constant communication about this to my partner is going to be seen as pressure and I feel could possibly damage our relationship long term
I don't see a path forward, I'm totally at a loss and I would appreciate all your
Thanks
Basically my response to all of the people having a go at this man for wanting to try and fix his wife’s lack of a sex drive is:
it is not a crime to want to fix someone you love. It’s not like she wanted her sex drive to go away it’s not like she was faking having a sex drive when they first got together. It’s not as if he isn’t as equally concerned about fixing her depression. As the old wedding vows go in sickness and in health but that doesn’t mean you have to be okay with your loved one being ill and that goes for depression but it also goes for sexual dysfunction. It’s called dysfunction for a reason.
I know over a lot of women who are upset because men want to fix things instead of just support them through the situation. Well tough, if you love someone and something is getting in the way of your relationship with them you will want to fix it.
he isn’t trying to brainwash her into wanting sex she didn’t used to want, nor is he trying to compromise her therapy by asking her to go to the doctor and ask if it’s possible to improve the situation. She may fear that the doctor may just take her off the medication or put her on medication that doesn’t work, but believe me a good doctor is not going to be willing to take her off medication that works and put her on medication that doesn’t work just to improve her sex drive. That doesn’t mean that you can’t investigate whether or not it’s possible to get an improvement.
ultimately it sounding more and more like this depression is long-term and it’s causing a real strain upon this relationship. which leads me to ask a question whether or not something doesn’t need to shift anyway. maybe things have become too comfortable in the status quo maybe her treatment is stuck in a rut. it happens with depression quite a lot. it’s a lot easier for a doctor to keep giving you pills then arrange for the therapy that might potentially improve your mental state. She may feel with the antidepressants she’s got to an equilibrium where life is survivable, but surviving is not living. And so it’s quite legitimate for her other half to ask when she can get away from surviving to living again. Maybe it would be a good thing to put some pressure on her doctors to come up with a solution which is a long-term one rather than just keeping her in survival mode.
you know what at the end of the day a load of randoms on the Internet are not the best people to be asking for advice on this. go make yourself an appointment with a sex therapist just you on your own. if a sex therapist says as I think it’s quite plausible that your wife should probably come in with you and be seen by them as well, then at least you can say to your wife and to anyone else who has a go at you on the Internet that this is what an expert recommended.
Conversion therapy is literally in the process of being made illegal, so yes, it is a crime.
A) you contradicted yourself you said you believe it will be made illegal and then said it is a crime. B) if you believe asking her to take a pill to increase her sex drive is conversion therapy does it also follow that the doctor giving her pills that lower it is also conversion therapy?
In short your position is not logically consistent.
You are a sexual predator who has given countless examples of situations in which you've committed sexual harassment, and encouraged others to coerce or drug their partners into sex. You've also shared a huge amount of personal information including your name, location and job title. If I were you I would not be posting here any more.