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Moving house and autistic burnout

NAS87287

Hi, I’ve not posted before. I’m 33F, self diagnosed many years ago  with a family history strong enough that I don’t feel the need for a official diagnosis (although I’m feeling the need to defend myself unprompted soooo) anyway, I’ve recently realised I think I’m in autistic burnout, my job is increasingly stressful, my father is terminally ill (complicated relationship), and I’m moving house in a couple of weeks as my partner and I have just bought our own house. I’m currently on a week off work attempting to get my overwhelming anxiety under control and I know I need to be getting my house sorted and packed and I have no idea how to go about it so I’m just not doing anything. I think I can really see the effects of the burnout, ie my lack of executive functioning - I stopped prioritising food more than basic nutrition, masking was becoming increasingly hard, especially talking appropriately around my superiors, I lost the ability to complete tasks or focus when multitasking and hyper focus were my things, I’m completely exhausted, but the one I really need help with is my house. I’ve let it get into such a state; there’s stuff everywhere, it’s not even clean anymore, nothing is in the right room and everywhere I look is just overwhelming clutter. I’ll put one thing in a bin bag and I feel exhausted and have to stop. We’ve got so much furniture packed in Tetris style that there’s no where to clear a space for boxes. I’ve already decided that recycling or selling stuff is too much, which pains me, but I can’t be separating stuff. Any tips would be really really helpful, I so want to feel productive. For info, my partner works 2 jobs so not around a lot and pretty sure he has ADHD so we’re a great combo for a shiny minimalist house, not. Thank you 

  • I found making detailed to-do lists and ticking off even small tasks helped me feel a bit more in control. I also planned quiet recovery days after packing or paperwork sessions.

  • I packed one box a day and kept a notebook with tiny steps listed out—like change address, clean fridge, label boxes—so nothing piled up too much at once.

  • in reply to rg_apples
    rg_apples said:
    If you can afford it, there are companies that will pack your stuff for you (if you're comfortable with it)

    Sound advice.

    I've just done a house move last Friday and it was hell - I did the packing myself so if you can't afford the removal service that packs as well as moves then here are a few tips:

    1 - make sure you have lots of boxes, ideally the same size and robust (double walled corrugated ones). You can get these on eBay delivered in a day or two for a few quid a box typically. Also get tape - the wide, brown rolls and a few rolls of the FRAGILE tape as well for any boxes with delicate stuff in them.

    Get several rolls of rubble sacks and black bin bags as well.

    Get rolls of bubble wrap - the same box sellers on eBay do these too - expect to get through 200+ meters of the stuff.

    2 - Now you have all the materials you need to pack stuff, work through the house room by room - box up everything in each room that you don't absolutely need to have in the run up to the move.

    Label the boxes with the summary of the contents and the room they came from.

    Start a spreadsheet to list the contents of the box - update it as you do each box and later you can put a value for insurance if you want to.

    3 - As you complete a room, stack everything as neatly as you can with the labels pointing to you. This will let you stack more stuff from other rooms to make space for yet more packing.

    4 - some tips on what to do with each type of items:

    - As you come across anyhing fabric, wrap them in bin bags to stop dust from getting to them - then pack in boxes.

    - Any ornaments,small electrical items or deliate objects - wrap in bubble wrap and store in boxes wrapped in FRAGILE tape. Don't overload these and maybe put cushions in to keep everything from moving.

    - Keep a small toolkit on hand as some stuff will inevitably need to be unscrewed or disconnected - wrap any screws or connectors in a little bubble wrap packet and attach to the original device so you can re-use them at the other end.

    - Furniture - get the removal company to wrap this in a way that they will cover for insurance.

    5 - celebrate completing each room. It will give you a sense of progress

    6 - when packing each box, be pretty ruthless about whether you actually need it or not. Are they clothes you haven't worn for over a year - give away. Are the books already read and not precious to you - give away. Are the old bill really necessary to keep - shred/burn them. Is that bottle of sesamae sause ever going to get used? Bin it.

    7 - Plan the move itself in the quieter part of the evening - try to think of everything that can go wrong and write it down. For each thing think of a contingency and how important that thing acually is - this is the risk management part of the project planning and helps you get the what-ifs out of your head so you can sleep.

    8 - rope in any friends and relatives if you can - it may just be to take stuff to charity shops / rubbish tip or wrapping furniture (you probably don't want them packing your knicker drawer so plan what they can do) or even carrying boxes on the day. Reward them with a meal out afterwards as a thank you.

    There are loads of other little tips that can be thrown in here but it is probably getting a bit overwhelming already, and you haven't even started the unpacking yet.

    I still strongly recommend getting the company to do it for you as it will save a world of stress and the costs mount up fast when doing it yourself anyway.

    Good luck and try to have some emotional support with you when doing this if you can.

  • If you can afford it, there are companies that will pack your stuff for you (if you're comfortable with it). Or even the parts that you're least invested in (like the kitchen), they can offer that service. Might be worth looking into if it will save you both the time and anxiety so that you don't have to deal with everything just right now (and maybe can take your time sorting through things after you move). 

  • Moving house is such a massive change, in particular for people who struggle with change. Even when it's a positive thing. When we moved, we didn't sort through things and brought EVERYTHING with us. It's really really hard so I know what you are going through, especially when there othe stuff going on. I didn't realise at the time how hard it actually was and i had never heard of executive function or burnout. I really don't know what to suggest. I think in times of uncertainty we crave some sort of order but this can be really difficult when we haven't got the energy to do it or know where to start.

    I don't have any practical tips other than is there anyone you can ask for help? When you get to the other side, try and allocate an area for clutter then you can sort through it in your own time. Don't be hard on yourself. I find now i try and "go with the flow" a bit more, which sometimes seems to go against the grain of my being. (Accept the house is a tip but its only a temporary situation. If you dont get every thing done at one end, it can be sorted at the other...). Things dont happen instantly and if you are in burmout it will take longer.  Give yourself time and practise self care (I found watching fsmilitar shows or indulging in an area of interest gave me a break). We are still finding places for things after 5 years. Having a house is an ongoing labour of love. Good luck.