Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else struggle with letting people down? Like as in you force yourself to do things you know you're not up to or well enough to do so as not to disappoint people or let them down.
For example, someone invites you to go somewhere with them and you know your not up to going but you go anyway so as not to disappoint or let them down. Particulary if its someone thats nice to you cos then you feel guilty
Anyway I am learning to say no to things, slowly. Just wondered if anyone else has similar experiences
I heard Chris Packham say he turns down offers to go to the pub with colleagues now. He says something like "Thanks for asking but socialising that way doesn't work for me". I got asked to go to a coffee morning thing recently and I said I was suffering from social anxiety at the moment. It was fine and the person that asked me brought me some cake back from it and checked I was ok. I'm trying to say why I can't do something, instead of making up excuses, or do the thing even though I know I'd have a sleepless night with all the conversations going round my head, worrying if I'd upset anyone (which is what I used to do). Maybe suggest a way of being together that isn't so stressful for you? I think if people know it isn't them that you don't want to be around, it's the situation it happens in then they will understand . It's difficult to break habits though. Good for you for taking steps to do what's right for you.
Thank you!
This Person (Ottilie) said: I think if people know it isn't them that you don't want to be around, it's the situation it happens in then they will understand
Thats a good point, I hope so
Im glad you have had the courage to tell people what causes you anxiety. I am still working on that
Billy87 said:Im glad you have had the courage to tell people what causes you anxiety.
It feels like you have to have courage but it's not that. I think we've spent so much time trying to fit in that we become expert at not doing what's right for us, constantly going along with what the majority appear to do. I've found NTs actually appreciate someone saying they struggle with socialising and they can go "Me too!". It's like everyone is putting on a charade of being upbeat and extrovert and they want permission to be able to stay at home in their PJs and not make so much effort. Also, the older I get the less I care what people think, so you have that to look forward to!