Published on 12, July, 2020
Few things that delayed my self-diagnousis as someone on the spectrum because they defy the stereotype. First, I hate routine because I have such inconsistency and mood changes. One day I'd like to talk and chat and the other I'd like to stay in my room alone. I can't imagine a life where everyday is the same. I have different moods and i can't just stick to working hours 9to17. Somedays I like to have very slow morning or work on Sunday and sleep on Monday.. can't eat the same food everyday but I do have bunch of recipes that I tend to repeat, maybe just because it's easier and than cooking something new, but sometimes I do.
Second is that I like new experiences. Traveling, new food, new places in the city and so on when I have the mood for it. Even if the experience might intimidat NTs.
Third is that I can be friendly if I'm well recharged and rested. I can be social if I'm very well rested and recharged (alone for few days). Smile, chit chat (never a small talk tho). I can tolerate lights and sounds after good sleep..
Can anyone relate to any of this?. Is this normal among autistic people?. Most of what I read online talks about repetitive behaviours, sticking to routine and being closed to new experiences..
Autism has a wide spectrum. I have a very uncertain relationship with time. As a child I was late in being able to tell the time, if I have a definite appointment I have to write it on the back of my hand, otherwise I am liable to forget it. Therefore, timed routines are just a foreign concept to me. Interestingly, research is hinting at a poorly functioning 'biological clock in some autistics. I like holidays in new places - but I tend to get excessively anxious about timings for airports and connections. I can do small talk, I am reasonably good at it, I don't enjoy it much, but awkward silences freak me out much more.
I can relate to pretty much all of this.
I struggle to stick to a routine outside of work. I put one in place when was off sick, felt the benefit and it lasted about a month. Im more productive with a routine but there's partly a resistance inside when one is imposed. I'm a teacher so my work is all or nothing (term time then holidays). I don't know if this is a help or hindrance. (An even balance might be better but I'd be bored in a "normal" job). Where I struggle is if something is against The Plan that I have in my head. I'm very rigid in this sense. I understand it's not about routine as such but how "inflexible" we can be with our thought processes. (I'm a very open minded person so this seems a contradiction but it isnt). Routine gives certainty for a lot of people. I have control in other ways.
I like my time at home to myself but like being with others. I need one to balance the other. I like new experiences too but they more than usually have to be on my terms. I cannot understand why people would holiday in the same place year after year.
There's a broad scope for repetitive behaviours and mine are internal (thoughts) or unnoticeable to others. Autistic people can be sensory seeking and/or avoidant. I struggle with some sounds but love live music.