Published on 12, July, 2020
Few things that delayed my self-diagnousis as someone on the spectrum because they defy the stereotype. First, I hate routine because I have such inconsistency and mood changes. One day I'd like to talk and chat and the other I'd like to stay in my room alone. I can't imagine a life where everyday is the same. I have different moods and i can't just stick to working hours 9to17. Somedays I like to have very slow morning or work on Sunday and sleep on Monday.. can't eat the same food everyday but I do have bunch of recipes that I tend to repeat, maybe just because it's easier and than cooking something new, but sometimes I do.
Second is that I like new experiences. Traveling, new food, new places in the city and so on when I have the mood for it. Even if the experience might intimidat NTs.
Third is that I can be friendly if I'm well recharged and rested. I can be social if I'm very well rested and recharged (alone for few days). Smile, chit chat (never a small talk tho). I can tolerate lights and sounds after good sleep..
Can anyone relate to any of this?. Is this normal among autistic people?. Most of what I read online talks about repetitive behaviours, sticking to routine and being closed to new experiences..
Autism has a wide spectrum. I have a very uncertain relationship with time. As a child I was late in being able to tell the time, if I have a definite appointment I have to write it on the back of my hand, otherwise I am liable to forget it. Therefore, timed routines are just a foreign concept to me. Interestingly, research is hinting at a poorly functioning 'biological clock in some autistics. I like holidays in new places - but I tend to get excessively anxious about timings for airports and connections. I can do small talk, I am reasonably good at it, I don't enjoy it much, but awkward silences freak me out much more.
Oh, I used to forget about exams in my first year of college. I had to do subjects again because of that. My biological clock is impressively good. I wake up one or two minutes before the alarm goes off in a normal day but few hours earlier if I have a morning appointment!. Maybe I do get very anxious about timings too.
Staying in university accommodation could mortifying indeed
I missed a first year university exam, I thought it was in the afternoon, but it was in the morning. It was on my 19th birthday, to top it all. I had to see the dean of science and then sit it again in September. I had a long train journey and had to stay overnight in university accommodation, so it was expensive as well as mortifying.