Mood swings as a late diagnosed adult

Hello everyone,

TL;DR: I'm looking for advice on dealing with my mood swings and outbursts of anger.

I'm hoping for a bit of advice. I've had mood swings a lot throughout my life. I'm not sure if they are tied to my autism or not, but today I had a massive mood swing going from happy to angry and ended up snapping at my wife which, understandably, really upset her. It's been a very long time since I've done this, but several years ago, during a time which I now recognise as me being in burnout and struggling a lot, I had a lot of moments like this.

I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to manage these things. For context, I was trying to make hot chocolate for the family using a velvetiser thing from hotel Chocolat (as a side note I highly recommend these). They use flakes of grated chocolate, but a few weeks ago they were left on top of the air fryer and several of the sachets melted and clumped up. I tried breaking this up before use but some got stuck in the machine which causes the motor to make a horrible sound which makes me freak out because I feel like it's going to break the machine. I got distressed by this, but my wife just said it's fine and to keep it going but I ended up snapping at her and I upset her.

I fully appreciate that I am in the wrong here, but I would appreciate if anyone can suggest anything to help with managing situations like this where things are rapidly going wrong without me getting angry.

Thanks,

Phil

  • I think rapid mood change can be associated with ADHD (I am autistic and ADHD). I don't see why it is strange to be in a good mood, then something is annoying so i get annoyed with it, but sometimes if I am a more relaxed mood I don't get as annoyed.

  • Hi. This may sound like a weird one, but there is a book 'anger' by the psychologist carol tavis, which describes what anger is. Understanding this perspective on what anger is isnt a cure, and it is better for helping to ignore outbursts on others, rather than your own, but it helps.

  • Hi AuTriker.

    The "several years ago" reference was about a time when I would regularly get angry and verbally aggressive (I'd never get physically aggressive with anyone). I think yes this was a bit of an understatement, but I was thinking more here about the rapid change in mood. We'd just sat down to watch one of my favourite films with my eldest and I was quite happy, and then this incident lead to a complete reverse of that in a very short space of time. I also have instances where I might become very down (I'd avoid saying "depressed" but it's that kind of feeling) as well so it's not just anger.

  • Thank you all for the suggestions. I'm going to start trying to reflect on the things that cause the outbursts when they happen and see if I can start identifying them early.

  • I would say look at the thoughts you're thinking that cause you to get angry.

  • I have to write down all accidents , anger after they happened and think in my mind what wad a trigger before it happened. Most times i have to stop what i m doing and remove myself in calm space to sit and calm down . If it happenes to my LO - i have to stay still and waite untill he will calm down and again think what was a trigger. By practising like that - you will manage to see those triggers coming in time . Best to stop doing anything and remove yourself from situation. My favourite stimming is - music , walking , fresh air - breathing , or i count in my mind till 100 in 5 . Works everytime for me. You need to find what stim  will work just for you. . I found it getting more hard for me when my brain sensory overloaded. So noises, lights , sounds - really bangs my brain very quick and i can get easily frustrated from sound of people voices for example. It clashes very much with Sensory processing difficulties my 6 y o LO has and his spectrum as we r opposite sometimes. E.g. he is loud and likes to touch everything. I hate sounds around me and cannt stand when someone touches me. 

    You probably had panic attack / anxiety that machine would brake ( brain didnt recognise  and didnt read what is going to happened , so you have panicked. Then noise of machine - got on top as sensory processing overload . So it banged for you to do stimming the away of turning it against your partner as she was there . 

    Hope that helps. 

  • My brother, whenever he was younger, switched off the electric supply, to the house, if he didn't get his way. He had a more troubled childhood than me. But he rebuilt his life through Tech. 

  • Take a breathe when you feel yourself get angry

    Lately I get upset and angry don't know why. 

    My mood just drops and I get frustrated and irritated 

    I've been told that going off for breath and quiet can help xx xx

  • Unless you are using understatement I don't think you have an anger issue if this is the first time you have snapped at your wife in several years! Assuming snapped at just means spoke slightly harshly, or even yelled at.

    If it is not understatement, then I and my husband and both my exes and my parents and our friends all have anger issues worse than you! I mean, it's possible we do, but i assumed it was reasonably normal to snap at someone in a stressful situation... Several times a day would be excessive, once a month would seem reasonably calm. How does one know what is normal?

  • Phil

    This is meltdown. Likely to have been stress building for a while and the chocolate machine was just the final straw. May even be due to other, unrelated stresses ir worries. The trick is to read the signs and de-stress in time. I don't always achieve  this but I am getting better. Time alone is best, either a walk or lie down quietly and listen to music or a podcast works for me. Perhaps explain to your wife.