Published on 12, July, 2020
This topic came up in another thread, and having struggled with the topic myself for about 5 decades, I'd like to see how the rest of you do it.
For me the response to an insult is often confusion. Did I hear that right? Does it mean what I think it means, and if so WhyTF are they insulting me?
AND HOW SHOULD I RESPOND??
Do you see all those nasty question marks? I don't LIKE having to find answers to questions, on the spot, in real time, that's for sure.
In my case I've always seen it as a form of combat, and I really, really, resent having "combat" in any form thrust upon me unexpectedly, so for many years I've not enjoyed that part of life.
Eventually, after much training and dedication I grew to be the "Butterbean" of insult exchangers, which was one way of solving the problem.
How is it for you?
Spending years brooding, being bitter and twisted? Well I do try to deal with my anger by seeing it from different perspectives.
Unfortunately if you exhibit art, even if you are not someone who graduated through the elitist system, you can meet some pretty toxic individuals. Bitter at their own lack of success in an unlevel playing field - not difficult to understand - or just in general, jealous. Or just a plain snob, there are plenty of those. One went on full attack for various reasons of her own, but I had to get my work back. Once that was done, I told her to leave me along and stop treating me like a stupid little kid.
I do now recognise that some kinds of insulting, hurtful behaviour are characteristic of high-functioning alcoholics. They think they are being clever or witty, or want to show their dominance in a group setting.
Other times it is easier to conclude that the behaviour tells more about them, and where they are coming from. That's exactly what I wrote to one big shot, who's written all manner of books and cards, who insulted a piece of artwork I uploaded on a site - that it told me an awful lot about her. Along with a few other things about her general arrogance. I was planning to block her in case she wouldn't leave me alone, but she hasn't bothered me again, luckily.
Your observations and conclusions are very much aligned to my own. However, I also extend my "searching" to look at myself and have noted (with some considerable shame and regret) that some of the insults do actually tell me quite a bit about myself too.......when you strip away the hateful way in which an insult (by definition) is delivered. The abrupt, cold and subjective "criticism/insult" is my preferred type in terms of being able to derive some better self knowledge.
[Disambiguation - just to be absolutely clear, I am NOT suggesting that you are wrong in ANYTHING that you have written above, neither in fact nor by omission. Moreover, I am most certainly not suggesting that there is anything wrong with your art in any way, I write this merely to inform you that I have learned (with not inconsiderable pain) to accept that some insults are truisms that have been delivered in inappropriate form.]
Art is a very subjective thing, I know. And the art world is full of Emperor's New Clothes. Did you see that story recircling again right now, about the hungry visitor who ate an exhibit? A banana taped to a wall.
As for the woman who criticised the piece of artwork, well I do see that her core values are rather different to mine, in all sorts of ways.