Published on 12, July, 2020
This topic came up in another thread, and having struggled with the topic myself for about 5 decades, I'd like to see how the rest of you do it.
For me the response to an insult is often confusion. Did I hear that right? Does it mean what I think it means, and if so WhyTF are they insulting me?
AND HOW SHOULD I RESPOND??
Do you see all those nasty question marks? I don't LIKE having to find answers to questions, on the spot, in real time, that's for sure.
In my case I've always seen it as a form of combat, and I really, really, resent having "combat" in any form thrust upon me unexpectedly, so for many years I've not enjoyed that part of life.
Eventually, after much training and dedication I grew to be the "Butterbean" of insult exchangers, which was one way of solving the problem.
How is it for you?
There is also the question of intention.
Some people (autistic sometimes) just say what they think and don't actually intend to offend, but do.
My mum was a prime example.
She would just speak her mind with no filter.
So, my sister once told her that she had painted her lounge walls grey.
Mum's reply was:
'That will match your grey hair and your grey face'.
Another example.
I had just got engaged and showed my mum my engagement ring.
Her words were (1st words, no congratulations).
'You've got the ring that I wanted!'.
Apparently, 60 years earlier, my dad hadn't been able to afford to buy her an engagement ring she desired.
So, if someone doesn't intend to offend you there are 2 issues I can see:
1. Do you recognise that there isn't intent and if there isn't intent
2. Do you need to respond in kind?
Apologies for going on a tangent... My mother never had an engagement ring either, for the same reason as your mother. Also, my dad never had a wedding ring. Again, due to not being able to afford one.