Published on 12, July, 2020
This topic came up in another thread, and having struggled with the topic myself for about 5 decades, I'd like to see how the rest of you do it.
For me the response to an insult is often confusion. Did I hear that right? Does it mean what I think it means, and if so WhyTF are they insulting me?
AND HOW SHOULD I RESPOND??
Do you see all those nasty question marks? I don't LIKE having to find answers to questions, on the spot, in real time, that's for sure.
In my case I've always seen it as a form of combat, and I really, really, resent having "combat" in any form thrust upon me unexpectedly, so for many years I've not enjoyed that part of life.
Eventually, after much training and dedication I grew to be the "Butterbean" of insult exchangers, which was one way of solving the problem.
How is it for you?
It's smart to prepare in advance for such situations but unfortunately, I feel like one can't be prepared enough for them. I usually start with feeling how it feels in my body or try to, then I try to ask myself "what would be fair to me now?", Then I try to get what I think is fair to me or what I think that I need at the moment.
It might be a moment alone to realise what's going on, because usually the surprise of it takes my focus away. It could be to just leave and never see that person again after telling them "this was insulting to me". I think that I have never insulated a person back in my life, I have never shouted or raised a voice. Although, when I think about it, it seems very satisfying, but it's not in my nature. I honestly freak out and feel the pressure building up and the blood pumping and the tears approaching and the need to run away.
If course this happens to me in case I'm not triggered too badly into a meltdown, but only romantic partners can trigger something big like that. Unfortunately, those whom I loved the most were those who saw the worst parts of me