Published on 12, July, 2020
Are autistic people known for being wild in bed and actively sought out by NTs? I saw a post on reddit where an NT said they did that and implied that it's common knowledge that some NTs do that because autistic people have that reputation. Anyone know?
For the record I wish this were true. If collectively as autistic people we can spread the roumer that autistic people are incredible in bed we should totally do this.
I would cancel my assessment appointment if this became a commonly held belief. I have enough trouble as it is trying to convince people I'm asexual and not interested.
One man’s pain is another’s pleasure they say.
So close and yet so far, bear in mind being asexual doesn't actually have any bearing of if a person wants a relationship that is serious or casual. For all we know HP35 is looking for another asexual for a long term monogamous relationship, possibly even a soulmate to share teh rest of their life with.
It’s basically inverse casual sex. there are people who want casual sex that involves the orgasm but doesn’t necessarily involve the intimacy and hypothetically speaking it can be the other way around to.
Aye that's it.
No I do think I understand this one. One can desire the romantic closeness of intimate conversation and honesty and commitment to another human being. And also a lot of the platonic physical affection that comes with those sorts of relationships, hugging and just generally being close and affectionate to another person, without actually wanting to do anything sexual; something that would involve or naturally lead to an orgasm.
HP35 said:I experience romantic attraction.
so your not asexual then?
Non respondi tibi. Respondeo nunc non ego.
HP35 said:Oh, diddums. A complete lack of attention is not your absolutely ideal scenario. Poor, poor, you.
Look I've attempted to be polite here and engage in a rational discussion even though from my point of view you don't seem to want to approach things rationally at all but instead rely on spurious hyperbole. But if you are going to mock me frankly I no longer care. If anyone else has anything constructive to say I'm happy to hear it. But with you, specifically you HP35, on this topic for now I'm done with you.
That's because you're arrogant and women don't see you as a safe person to confide in. Almost every person interpreted as female has these experiences regularly.
Being autistic makes you a massive outlier, so I guess society is justified in not believing you about any of your experiences. You don't really have sensory or communication differences, right? You're making them up!
Oh, diddums. A complete lack of attention is not your absolutely ideal scenario. Poor, poor, you. That is absolutely as bad as never feeling safe and having people shove things inside your body causing agony and trauma.
HP35 said:It is absolutely disgusting that you are still pretending that being allowed to live your life in peace is somehow worse than being verbally and physically abused on a regular basis.
Bluntly I don't believe you. Or more specifically I don't believe your personal experience is representative. It sounds like you had some awful experiences and I'm sorry for that but I don't think that makes it at all typical. If nothing else being ace makes you a massive outlier. Also you're misrepresenting what I said.
But even if it was it doesn't invalidate the point that a complete lack of attention is, for some people, undesirable.
Peter said:'I'm in a rush sorry I don't have time for this etc.'
Using this response results in verbal abuse 90% of the time. About 50% of the time there are specific threats made. Sometimes there is physical aggression (grabbing, chasing, accelerating vehicle towards me, etc).
It's only recently (since I started presenting male) that I've started to have days outside without unsolicited interactions.
In private contexts, I don't think I've ever had a "no" be immediately accepted without the guy trying again at some point. I've been in situations where the choice is either give in, not get any sleep all night because he will wake me up every 10 minutes to check if I've changed my mind, or leave my home and find somewhere else to sleep at midnight.
It is absolutely disgusting that you are still pretending that being allowed to live your life in peace is somehow worse than being verbally and physically abused on a regular basis.
HP35 said:How do you feel about men who are on average 25cm taller, 40kg heavier, and much stronger than you
Change men to women and I think that's fairly hot. Who doesn't love an amazon.
HP35 said:sexualising you in all contexts, particularly when you say no and they take that to mean "try again using a different approach"?
Except that's not how most men behave. Even in the 60/70s when builders wolf whistling at every girl walking down the street was considered normal that wasn't how most men behaved.
Women were not sexualised in all contexts. Doctors did not go 'I'm sorry you've got br*ast cancer but before I operate on them can I take you for a drink.' If every guy in your office tried to chat you up at least most would take no for an answer and drop it. And the one that wouldn't the boss would have a word with if you asked him. If occasionally having a woman I'm not attracted to try to chat me up is the price I'd pay for more female attention. Or if it meant having to put my foot down every now and again and say 'look no offence but I'm just not interested in you so seriously drop it ok.' then guess what I could live with that. I think a lot of men feel that way.
I mean you say how awful it is that men keep trying to impress you after you turn them down? How awful that would be, if a girl who I'd turned down turned up the next day with gifts and a poem about how hot I was to try and impress me; that would be just awful (this is sarcasm just to be clear).
HP35 said:You don't get to turn it off when you're busy, have food poisoning, are mourning a relative, are in the middle of a shutdown or meltdown, or for any other reason.
You don't have to give a reason either for ignoring it. Maybe the most cursory reason like 'I'm in a rush sorry I don't have time for this etc.' Since we've been discussing consent lets remember some one else expressing an interest in you doesn't obligate you to take the time to acknowledge it.
If you have food poisoning and you are literally chucking up into a bucket and some one sees you and feels the need to say you look sexy believe me if they are rational they don't expect you to respond. Although to be fair not many would think food poisoning loos sexy.
Certainly, some people are entirely incapable of recognising that any point of view that differs from their own can have any validity. They are also blind to nuance and incapable of empathy.
How do you feel about men who are on average 25cm taller, 40kg heavier, and much stronger than you, who you are not attracted to, sexualising you in all contexts, particularly when you say no and they take that to mean "try again using a different approach"? You don't get to turn it off when you're busy, have food poisoning, are mourning a relative, are in the middle of a shutdown or meltdown, or for any other reason.
It's not "ironic," it's the result of men perpetuating this harmful myth that not getting sex means you're somehow a victim and you should feel sorry for yourself.
No it's cruelly ironic really. I've often felt so. So many women complain about men sexualising them and so many men wish women would sexualise them a bit more.
I've been staying out of this but had to comment here- I imagine HP's definition of harassment is not 'compliments and people trying to chat me up', and is actually much worse. I'm an asexual person who dresses in a fairly feminine way, so someone who is read as a target, and my experience (and therefore my definition) of harassment includes being sexually assaulted in public. It would have been frightening under any circumstances but it was doubly so with the knowledge that if your answer is ALWAYS no, some people will take that as a challenge.
Peter said:I'll happy swap with your former self. If your definition of harassment is compliments and people trying to chat me up I'll take it. ... Although preferably from women.
Yh but remember Peter you'd only take it because you are you with your wants and perspective, to HP it's like a living hell. Different people different experiences, you've both got valid perspectives, one isn't more right or better than another. If you were asexual and felt as vulnerable as HP you'd likely feel differently again.
It's people telling you how they'd like to invade your body in ways you know are 100% going to be painful and also carry a risk of killing you.
I'll happy swap with your former self. If your definition of harassment is compliments and people trying to chat me up I'll take it. ... Although preferably from women.