Published on 12, July, 2020
I have came out to 4 people in my life about my autism so far. I have considered all of them as caring empathetic people. 2 of them were very nice, offering to listen to me since it's a lot of things in mind and lot of feelings. The other two had a reaction that surprised me. One said nothing but "thank you for sharing" and right after that asked me for a favor. It felt like this big reveal of mine ment nothing to them. The other one asked me "is it officially diagnosed?" And didn't respond to my answer only a day after writing a message "do you want to hang out?". I'm sad because of these reactions and I honestly don't know how to interpret them.. it felt like they don't care or understand how huge of a deal this is for me.. did anyone have similar experiences?
I mostly don't tell them. Have found, over the years, that the label (while handy for finding resources and information) is an obstacle between people. They don't really understand what it entails, and that's what they really need to know... so instead of being like "I'm autistic" and then being seen as "that autistic lady" forever-- a liability, or potential landmine-- With friends, I explain individual things, briefly, like "sorry, my neurology's weird and those lights are really bothering me-- let's move somewhere outside" or (why don't you join the ladies' auxiliary?) "the ladies all seem really nice, but I'm socially retarded and large groups of women are terrifying-- I just can't" or (when asked about a favorite subject) "Stop me if it's too much information: I love (xyz topic) more than any normal, sane person could, and could keep going all day, and I will not be offended." Friends already very aware that I'm rather odd, and they have chosen to be friends anyway-- usually they're pretty odd as well, and we are friends because we're willing to put up with each other's oddities. So any time something specific related to the autism comes up, or needs an explanation, it's more helpful to explain just that one thing-- "eh, thanks for the invite, but crowds are overwhelming. I don't think I'd have a good time, but it sounds like something right up your alley, and I hope you'll tell me about it after"
This way, I'm a person, with some oddities that friends tolerate. Eccentric. With a label... I become the label and the person goes away.
There's no happy medium. Often people are either "not autistic enough" or "too autistic".
I am testing the waters by starting telling people that I need something not because I am autistic but just because I need it. I've found that's what neurotpyical people would do because often they don't have anything to explain it away with.