Published on 12, July, 2020
I have came out to 4 people in my life about my autism so far. I have considered all of them as caring empathetic people. 2 of them were very nice, offering to listen to me since it's a lot of things in mind and lot of feelings. The other two had a reaction that surprised me. One said nothing but "thank you for sharing" and right after that asked me for a favor. It felt like this big reveal of mine ment nothing to them. The other one asked me "is it officially diagnosed?" And didn't respond to my answer only a day after writing a message "do you want to hang out?". I'm sad because of these reactions and I honestly don't know how to interpret them.. it felt like they don't care or understand how huge of a deal this is for me.. did anyone have similar experiences?
Friends? What are these things?
Catlover - same applies as per my response to Robert below, for you too.
I spent a couple of decades wondering why I didn't have any "real" friends, despite having all sorts of people "around" me that claimed or thought of themselves as my friends. I am very good at masking and superficially fitting in.....but it was like play acting.....and then when I DID actually feel some form of real connection and open-up to people, they invariably seemed to react with WTAF and run for the hills.
In this place, I don't need to play act. Yes, I'm a weird mix - and happily acknowledge that I write like a "Rees Mogg" type - often fear that I sound like I'm a long way up my own rear end - but I decided that I should be my "real" self here....rather than try and find "real friends."
Guess what - I think I have found a few "real friends" who are my type of people. It is liberating and joyous....because I let it be that way. The vast majority of regulars here I do genuinely consider my new friends.
Sure we don't "really" know each other and definitely don't all have the same opinions and outlooks, but you all know me better than the VAST, VAST majority of "real" people in the "real" world.
It is lonely being autistic - even though many of us enjoy (and/or need) to be alone a lot of the time. Being able to understand this dichotomy has been VERY important to my general levels of contentment. Finding my new friends here (like you) have made me happy.
Don't you feel how I do......to some extent at least? Or am I just deluding myself?
I've shared things here that I haven't really shared with anyone. It definitely makes us close. I spend lot of time in this forum. It's really helping me. I agree with you to some extent. I still am a person who lived with rejection most of my life so it's really hard to imagine how people here would like me if we spent time together in real life.. I'd be scared of rejection.
I'm a couple of decades older than you so I no longer fear rejection because I have become very accustomed and numb to it to a large extent. However, I do remember just how increasingly worried I was becoming at your age "why doesn't anyone really seem to like me / understand what I'm about.". I think I was fighting hard for acceptance, connection and understanding......rather than fearing rejection.