Published on 12, July, 2020
I was out yesterday with a person whom I met for the second time in my life. We watched a documentary in cinema, called The Cathedral I'd recommend it, and chatted afterwards for 2 hours in what seemed to me a very noisy place, which is a regular bar without any loud music. Sometimes the noise seemed unbareable and sometimes I was focused on the discussion so I didn't notice it much. I had one beer and didn't find our discussions very interesting, they were just ok. Maybe because it's a new person to me and I'm not sure how meaningful, personal discussions can be. I tried my best not to mask, which means I didn't put lot of effort to smile at whatever is said to me or try hard to seem engaged, interested and come up with topics. I was just trying to do what makes sense to me. This is all new to me..
Today, It's like I have a hangover. I can't handle listening to music while working, even tho I usually do. I don't want to socialise with others. I feel like someone who can't even smell alcohol after a long night of drinking. I am drained and slightly out of energy. Like a down mood. I am even bit tired to work as well but I still can handle it.
I'm very new to the realisation that I probably am on the spectrum. I'm very new to unmasking and realising all thess things while and after socialising in public spaces. I have planned meeting with a friend tomorrow and I'm not sure if I can do it! sorry if you find this story boring or without any interesting content, but it would mean a lot if someone can relate to it, maybe tell me about how you experience these situations or give me some info so I can research more and maybe understand my needs better.
That strikes a chord for sure. I'd describe what happens to me after such very occasional outings is that I come home with a kind of intstant flu. Like my immune system is in overdrive. I am drained but shaky, I can't get heat into me and have to get into bed with the electric blanket on as soon as possible and work through a very real chill//fever combination. I have to get a hot cup of tea into me to sooth a throat that feels like I've been gargling razor blades. And it's like I have to go into an intense healing coma just from the experience of a bit of light socialising - conversation over a meal, a trip to the theatre. Nothing hardcore, and yet...
As you say, it's the environmental overwhelm as much as anything, but the whole cocktail of ingredients in the experience is taxing beyond belief in a way that most people would struggle to understand.
Wow, same for me! After having to go out, I wake up the next day with flu symptoms: raw/sore throat, muscle aches and extreme fatigue. I have to have a quiet day at home to feel better.
I'm glad I read your comment. I'm not the only one experiencing that! Thank you.
Thank you for sharing. This is definitely interesting to me. I've never connected a social event to actual virus symptoms. I'm sorry that you have to go through all this after socialising.
Now I'm thinking about how scared I am of loneliness. The more I learn about my true self, the more I feel disconnected from others or less able to handle socialising.