What's gender?

This is massively oversimplified, but I often think that if sex is the type of body you have (male/female/intersex), gender identity is the kind of body you would ideally like to have. That "would like to" is perhaps too weak a phrase, as for many people it's an incredibly strong and persistent feeling, but it's the simplest way I can think of to express it.

Then there's also a societal factor involving gender roles and so on. Yes, that's a social construct, and might not exist in an ideal world, but it definitely does exist in the world we live in today.

For example, I identify as agender - my ideal body has neither set of sexual organs or characteristics (note, this isn't necessarily a universal definition of agender but is how I experience it) - but socially I'd prefer to be seen as male in the society in which I currently live. i.e. if my friends regard me as non binary but the bus driver /checkout worker etc see me as male, that's the ideal.

I've met a lot of AFAB (assigned female at birth) people who pass and live as male in non-queer contexts but identify as non binary, so I think this is a somewhat common experience. Before you say, "that's not common at all!" note that you may well have met people like this without knowing it, as if they don't disclose to you and you're not in a clothes-off situation, you wouldn't know.

This is massively oversimplified, but I often think that if sex is the type of body you have (male/female/intersex), gender identity is the kind of body you would ideally like to have. That "would like to" is perhaps too weak a phrase, as for many people it's an incredibly strong and persistent feeling, but it's the simplest way I can think of to express it.

Then there's also a societal factor involving gender roles and so on. Yes, that's a social construct, and might not exist in an ideal world, but it definitely does exist in the world we live in today.

For example, I identify as agender - my ideal body has neither set of sexual organs or characteristics (note, this isn't necessarily a universal definition of agender but is how I experience it) - but socially I'd prefer to be seen as male in the society in which I currently live. i.e. if my friends regard me as non binary but the bus driver /checkout worker etc see me as male, that's the ideal.

I've met a lot of AFAB (assigned female at birth) people who pass and live as male in non-queer contexts but identify as non binary, so I think this is a somewhat common experience. Before you say, "that's not common at all!" note that you may well have met people like this without knowing it, as if they don't disclose to you and you're not in a clothes-off situation, you wouldn't know.

True. Maybe part of my confusion comes from the fact that I avoid getting close to humans who treat or perceive men and women differently. Gender roles in my opinion is something human needed when physical strength was needed to defend self and get food. Nowadays most of us make their living in a comfy office chair. So generally, I don't understand why the gender roles still exist. I don't understand why people are socialised differently based on their gender. Maybe that's why I don't understand gender in itself. But thank you, it seems to me like I'm one step closer to understand it.