Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve read a few bits since being here that have got me thinking today. Although I’m glad I found out I’m asd, and it explains so much of my life, I’m also angry because honestly I’d really rather not be. I’m also starting to think it’s taking over my life… Everything I do now in the back of my head it’ll be ‘thats the autism’. So part of that is well it’s okay, you don’t need to feel bad about not fitting in anymore or the meltdowns, but now I can’t get it out of my head. It’s almost like I’ve become stuck. Constantly reading about it, assessing things I do, knowing that if I don’t want to do something I don’t actually have to because of it. That in itself is becoming another addition that’s contributing to the burnout, which is ridiculous.
Anyone else feel like this?
100%. There have been a few times in the last couple of weeks where I’ve openly said to my wife that I wish id never started down this route.
I’ve gone from just thinking I’m a bit odd/antisocial, to almost being completely fixated with autism. Constantly asking myself if I could be faking it, or was the diagnosis right, “I don’t do this that a lot of other autistic people do, so I can’t have it”.
It’s good to have an explanation for the way I am, but I wasn’t expecting the post-diagnosis rollercoaster I’ve been on!
Yeah I felt like that too just after I was diagnosed. I think I’ve finally settled on the fact that it’s pretty clear to me at least that I am. Including the fact it’s obvious certain family members are. I just wish I could get it out of the background now in my head, whenever I do anything through the day. I guess I’m worried that I’m at the end of the rollercoaster and this is how it’s going to be forever and it’ll never go away. Which obviously it’ll never go away now as it’s part of me. But analysing myself and the things I do isn’t going to make any difference.