Published on 12, July, 2020
My son is 23 years old, diagnosed with autism aged 5. He had done well in a special primary school, struggled but got through secondary school. He was very stressed by school by the time he finished, he refused to do a preparatory course for college, I was happy to give him a break and for a while he kept up some hobbies and had no problem going outside. Sadly, the pandemic gave him the world exactly as he would like it to be, everything closed and no one coming to the house. It has really set him back, he now refuses to go anywhere. I am so worried for his future, what will happen to him and will he be looked after by social services should anything happen to me, my husband died suddenly two years ago. I cannot force my son to go out, he helps with house work a bit and plays video games and that's it, I am struggling.
I have found that exhortation works better than insight when dealing with depressed or anxious individuals.
I was living with my family for years, I found that feelings of adventure and curiosity best suited me, an individual who is worried-about and advised-at can further embed themselves in their safe place, even if that safe place is more of a tomb than a sanctuary. You would be surprised at the lengths that a person with poor executive function will go to avoid doing; sometimes it is all that we can do to be ready for when inspiration strikes; I found that NEET courses gave me a lot of inspiration to work with.
Sometimes a person with Autism needs their obsession to beguile them into leaving the house: an expo, a short-course, the cinema or a friend/partner-in-crime. Just think of it as fishing, when the inspiration bites and your son is reeling-it-in, be ready with the net. If allowed to and supported to follow their interests, an autistic individual will pull themselves along, the more exposure they have the more competent they will be, just be sure to mitigate the push-back into isolation. Sometimes a parent can be facilitating, or even promoting, regression and stagnation and not be aware of it.
Having said that may I offer my condolences for your Husband? It cannot be easy to lose part of your unit, I hope you and your son find the right way, I think the best way is to work from strength to strength.
I found my best friend at the Princes Trust in 2019, he is Autistic and had been in his room for years as had I, he helped me through my diagnosis two weeks ago.
Just because your son is isolated now does not mean that he cannot hope to find a place in the community; NEET courses are remarkably laid back and focus mostly on a student attendance and rooting-in-the-community. There is also the possibility that you could lead by example and do some extracurricular activities of your own, incentivise your son to inspire himself, once in a hopeful mindset there is no telling where you may end up.. I hope this helps..)