Published on 12, July, 2020
Mentally, physically and it just gets worse as life goes on. I’ve had a crap day, cried a lot, I’m exhausted. More and more I seem to shout ‘it’s always something!’. Because it is, just when you think you’ve got everything out of the way something new pops up, something breaks, forgot to pay for something, appt coming up you don’t want to go to, something wrong with health, just bl&£dy something all of the time. Just when you think it’s actually quiet, some idiot will start being loud in their garden, some neighbours will make noise for days on end, someone will start road works, something will be wrong with the car. Exhaustion. I want, need a simpler life. But it’s never going to happen. Even those very small fleeting moments of finding something funny or saying something funny seem so false. I’m so tired and everything seems so pointless.
I don't know if it's because I'm perhaps spending more time trying to figure myself out, and therefore too much in my own headspace or if it's the environments that I'm in, or that I believed getting older would mean life would become easier, and it hasn't, or all the above, but everything seems so much more overwhelming.
I also wish my life could be so much more simpler, and that I could opt out of adulthood, I'm not good at pretending I'm an adult anyway. If only I could just do what makes me comfortable.
I'm sure there's a solution to at least some of this, if I could just stop over thinking enough and let the answers just come to me. However I'm not good at that either. There are times when I wish everything would just stop, but my solution to that isn't a positive one.
I'm sorry I have no useful advice for you Zoe, or profound words that would make you feel better, even for just a short while. All I can say is that you are heard and I understand.
Thanks Pickl, it’s appreciated.
I feel a little better this even as opposed to last night. Mainly because of this place. I remember posting in here once as a reply to someone that it didn’t make me feel any better knowing that others were in the same boat. But actually, now I realise others being in the same boat means they get it. And if they get it it means there are other people out there like me. So maybe I’m not as much of the weird alien I’ve always felt I am.
I feel exactly the same way. I feel sad that others find the same things difficult, and at the same time it's also comforting. I spent my life feeling that there was something very wrong with me. Here I know that there isn't anything wrong, I'm just different, and here there's people who are the same kind of different. I'm no longer alone.