Published on 12, July, 2020
This isn’t a criticism, just an observation. In fact my heart goes out to those prone to doing it as they seem to be experiencing a particular form of autistic ‘blind-spot’ that may leave them feeling isolated and unheard when really they’ve just been shouting into the dark without realising.
The phenomenon in question: basically someone newish to the forum sensibly browses for threads on topic x rather than start a totally new thread. But as they read through, they hone in on one point made by one user and reply to it, asking a question of them perhaps. In many cases, that user has not been around for quite a while, but the new person seems unaware of this statistical likelihood and Unless one of us points it out they are left like a tree falling in the forest. One of us will maybe spot their comment and help them out by pointing out that no response will ever come. But other times we might just be confused why an old thread has bobbed up to the surface and can’t see the recent comment buried among the old ones.
I have not practical advice to offer. It just makes me feel a bit wistful and sad for the person with that vulnerability to not factoring in the passage of time. Does anyone get that poignant feeling about it all? It makes me sad. Not just for the ‘ignored’ person but for the many lost ‘ghosts’ who we may one day be sooner than we intended. I miss everyone in advance, all the time. And complacency in this place will never take hold as departures of both kinds recently, (as well as more mayfly forum existences) will not be the last. I like and appreciate everyone who’s here, even if they’re just quietly sitting ‘at the back’ - all losses are felt keenly. Best wishes to all.
It could be that they’re not used to using a forum and don’t check the date? Recently I replied to one of these threads that had been dug up by someone, then quickly deleted my reply after I noticed how long ago. In all fairness it was only a matter of weeks and the OP did actually reply to the person that posted. But I automatically felt stupid for reply to a thread that was 3 weeks old.
I think it’s just a forum ‘thing’ regarding lost ghosts. When you think about it it’s not all that different from life, people come and go. Things change in life and people move on to different things.
I know. I’ve had forty five years to get used to that. But somehow never do.
At least you haven’t given up :) I have, it’s far easier to not get close to people, then it doesn’t hurt when they go.
It’s been a very long time but I don’t think I ever let anyone get to know me properly. I used to mask so heavily, I had one ex ask me why I had to be so perfect all of the time. I could never relax especially in bed going to sleep and so every single time it would result in me burning out and becoming depressed. Or they couldn’t deal with the lack of affection.
I don’t think work always comes into it, it would depend on the person. Many people don’t work that are autistic, well I don’t mean many in that it’s overwhelming - but I’ve noticed a few in the forum since I have joined. Work doesn’t define you.
I find getting close to people difficult. The closer they get, the more they know about me, the more I feel they'll reject me.Then there's the inevitable question re what job(s) you've done. As a person who never had a paid job, due to SMI+ASD+ poor support it triggers immense feelings of guilt,shame and worthlessness.
That’s true. I live a reclusive life partly for that reason. Though I also need the space. Which is just as well because that’s what I’ll alway be given plenty of!