Published on 12, July, 2020
This isn’t a criticism, just an observation. In fact my heart goes out to those prone to doing it as they seem to be experiencing a particular form of autistic ‘blind-spot’ that may leave them feeling isolated and unheard when really they’ve just been shouting into the dark without realising.
The phenomenon in question: basically someone newish to the forum sensibly browses for threads on topic x rather than start a totally new thread. But as they read through, they hone in on one point made by one user and reply to it, asking a question of them perhaps. In many cases, that user has not been around for quite a while, but the new person seems unaware of this statistical likelihood and Unless one of us points it out they are left like a tree falling in the forest. One of us will maybe spot their comment and help them out by pointing out that no response will ever come. But other times we might just be confused why an old thread has bobbed up to the surface and can’t see the recent comment buried among the old ones.
I have not practical advice to offer. It just makes me feel a bit wistful and sad for the person with that vulnerability to not factoring in the passage of time. Does anyone get that poignant feeling about it all? It makes me sad. Not just for the ‘ignored’ person but for the many lost ‘ghosts’ who we may one day be sooner than we intended. I miss everyone in advance, all the time. And complacency in this place will never take hold as departures of both kinds recently, (as well as more mayfly forum existences) will not be the last. I like and appreciate everyone who’s here, even if they’re just quietly sitting ‘at the back’ - all losses are felt keenly. Best wishes to all.
Shardovan, I belong to another forum for another condition I have, and the same thing regularly occurs there - very old threads brought up by unknowing new members.
I have seen older members pointing it out to them and suggesting they start a new thread, which does seem the best thing to do; however, the info contained in the old threads is still relavent, but as others here point out, the original posters may well have left the forum.
So basically 'there's a lot of it about'.
Ben
That's brilliant, Martin.
I have a photo of myself and Larkin, a random juxtaposition during a graduation ceremony, though he is definitely looking at me.
Some people might prefer it that way. Others being hopeful of a reply that never comes.
Very thought provoking post.
Thank you ️
So glad that you feel up to being back here, long may it last.
Well it will always be here when you need it. One of the nice things about this place is that it's not changed much at all. I've been dealing with depression and suicide ideation and was away for a while. It feels good to be back amongst friends.
I have a lot of forums I belong to, plus have FB and Twitter accounts. Sometimes forums get put on the substitutes bench and I don't participate on them for quite awhile. This is one of those forums. I can often feel out of touch here , as someone in the vast middle between ' needs 24x7 care' and those who overwhelmingly see ASD as a gift and not a disability.
Thank you. You said it all for me.
It's horrible when it happens and takes ages to sink in that they're gone. I don't think it's something I'll ever be able to get used to.
I've had this so many times. They have a special place in my heart and the fact they're no longer here enjoying the online community with me feels wrong.
I don't feel I'd want to carry on without my friends here. That sounds alarming or dramatic but it's only testament to how much they mean and have meant to me.
That’s how I feel too. You get attached to people, their unique voices, quirks, personalities. Then they’re suddenly gone. Puzzling and difficult as you say.
It’s been a very long time but I don’t think I ever let anyone get to know me properly. I used to mask so heavily, I had one ex ask me why I had to be so perfect all of the time. I could never relax especially in bed going to sleep and so every single time it would result in me burning out and becoming depressed. Or they couldn’t deal with the lack of affection.
I don’t think work always comes into it, it would depend on the person. Many people don’t work that are autistic, well I don’t mean many in that it’s overwhelming - but I’ve noticed a few in the forum since I have joined. Work doesn’t define you.
It doesn't help there's a stack of "Related" posts to the right side of this thread, and when clicked on the date is in an off-white to light grey. Perhaps once a thread is at least a year old, the Mods could put a LARGE date under the title?
I've met many good people during my time here. A few stayed but more familiar names have gone, that's hard to accept and adjust to. I hate when people aren't here anymore. Newbies come and go. Sometimes they'll stay on but a lot don't, not replying will be one of the reasons though some who do get replies just leave anyway. I guess their questions answered they feel they don't need to stay. I don't mind people leaving but the constant change is a lot to deal with because I can't help but like everyone I encounter here. Ahhh the online world, it's as puzzling and difficult as the offline world.
I find getting close to people difficult. The closer they get, the more they know about me, the more I feel they'll reject me.Then there's the inevitable question re what job(s) you've done. As a person who never had a paid job, due to SMI+ASD+ poor support it triggers immense feelings of guilt,shame and worthlessness.
Sorry, I meant no harm. But I can see how it maybe came over like judgement rather than empathy. My words can be a bit clumsy, I apologise.
I'm shocked the medical bods said your pain was psychological!
Sadly it's not an unusual thing to happen if you have a SMI. Then they wonder why, taken as a group, we die at a considerably younger age.