Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello! I'm new here, so a bit nervous to post. I'm 29 years old in Feb and got my official diagnosis of autism after a long wait in October of 2022.
Unfortunately I had to take some time from work due to autistic + type 1 diabetes burnout, as I work in a busy call centre and the constant customer service + office environment masking made me very unwell. I have had approximately 2 and a half weeks off now, and my sick note runs out today, so I am back in tomorrow. Although the time off to regulate myself and be authentic to my actual needs has been nice and much needed, I am now left with a constant overwhelming anxiety about having to go back to work.
I usually have a very strong work ethic, but for some reason I am absolutely dreading having to go back in to where the demand is high for masking again, to the point I can feel myself getting overwhelmed before I've even gone back in. I don't really know what to do or who to confide in as I keep getting told that it's normal to feel nervous about going back after time off. I'm scared that I'll push myself to go in and then breakdown and start uncontrollably crying again like I did before I took some sick leave. I know that there's nothing that can be done for me and all actions are my own, but perhaps I'm hoping for some advice or suggestions, or maybe even just a safe space to vent. I also acknowledge that not everyone is able to work so I'm sorry if this is a sensitive topic for anyone personally. Thank you.
Hi, It is very reasonable to feel that way!! I can relate as well as I am autistic and I have been off work twice now due to burnout. First of all, 2.5 weeks is not a long time to recover from burnout at all! It sounds like you feel like it might be too soon to go back? Could you maybe get some more time off? When I first was off work due to burnout, I initially had a sick note that went for 2 weeks and when I got that I thought 'oh 2 weeks is so long ...' and I felt really bad about it , but by the end of it I was almost more exhausted than before and the thought of going back to work filled me with so much panic. Luckily my GP was very understanding and encouraged further time off- in the end I was off for 7 weeks and I still didn't feel recovered - sadly I had to go back for financial reasons (I had actually been exploited and had not been paid for the first 6 months and I desperately needed the income)- I still didn't feel ready and was terrified of going back but there was less panick than initially after the 2 weeks.
It takes a lot of time to recover from burnout and maybe some more time off could help?
Also I would suggest asking your GP about the possibility of a phased return once you are ready to go back. My GP suggested that when I was off recently due to burnout and it sounded like a very good idea. Though luckily this time I was able to just quit my job and didn't need to go back :)
Is your workplace aware that you are autistic? Have they made reasonable adjustments? Is there anything that could be changed at work to make it less likely to burn you out (eg. maybe being given a seat in a quieter area of office or being able to work from home more etc?)?
I think it is very understandable to be anxious about going back. I was very anxious when I went back- I worried I wouldn't cope. I worried about having to possibly answer people's questions etc etc. I am good at worrying anyways. People were much nicer than I had expected and it was a bit of a shock to go back but it went better than I thought. I was lucky though at the time that I was able to work quite flexible hours as I was technically only paid 50% even though I had been previously working 60 hour weeks... and on top of that I had not been paid for 6 months so that helped me feel less bad about not being there for the whole day initially- but I think with a phased return you would also be able to ease yourself back into work again.
I really hope you can get some more time off. I would be surprised if your GP didn't support this. And be kind to yourself. Your reaction is very very understandable!! Recovering from burnout takes time.