When I try letting loose and not overanalyzing my behaviors, I make more social mistakes.

Ah I’m something of an extrovert and tend to be attracted to loud noisy people. Because I am loud noisy people. So I probably put people like that off, or wouldn’t notice them.

To be honest Peter, I only ever seem to make 'friends' in a vacuum.  I will almost always hang out with this one friend alone.  I very rarely meet more than one 'friend' at a time because that is my preference.  The friend is normally the most "odd" friend of their own friendship group, so trying to be incorporated into their "group" normally doesn't work so well in my experience.

That is how I find my world - for what that's worth.

That’s not how making friends works in my experience. One doesn’t acquire  friends in a vacuum.

For example. You go to place with lots of people. You make a friend there. But this friend has friends in the group. You will rarely hang out with this one friend alone. This is good it helps you make more friends. But it also means you can never … or at least rarely, Hang out with just 1-3 people you know really well. There are always going to be other people around involved in your conversations with your friends.

so even if your friends accepted you in “B” mode the friends of friends may not.

I've been following the path of your middle paragraph for a few months.  Too early to tell if I think it's the best approach, but I obviously thought so when I started.  No catastrophes so far, but some awkwardness at times, of the sort that I would normally mask over without a care.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I also feel like this with most people. Luckily I have a few autistic and ADHD friends and over time we've begun to unmask around each other, even if it is chaos lol. I thrive less in groups and prefer one or two people at a time. In a group I really hold back because there's too many variables and potential mistakes and judgements to be made from different people. So suffocating! 

Are there friends/acquaintances you feel closer to or people who are more gentle, empathic and understanding than others? Perhaps directly telling them this "I have to hold a lot back to be socially acceptable but I would like to share more of my authentic autistic self around you" and sort of introduce more elements of your authentic self over time (if you have that level of control over masking i guess).

I would say if you can, try to meet more autistic people irl or people who are interested in disability rights. I find disabled activist types are much more understanding and accommodating of many kinds of people and are able to form social situations around people's physical/mental/sensory/social needs instead of defaulting to NT and able-bodied expectations.

As someone who has genuinely been perplexed over this, I’ll share what I discovered:)

There’s a time and a place to be the raw, unfiltered me and sometimes I actually don’t quite like my own mannerisms. They can be sloppy or the sound of my own voice unappealing - to my self!

What is authentic is actually found in the choices I make, things I’m attracted to and that I don’t feel blindly compelled to just be part of a herd, as much as I thought I did. These are what is meant by Authenticity. Non-autistics cannot pull away so easily  

The path toward integration of the Whole Self is a long one. It is a type of becoming and being in one. We never truly find our authentic self but as I learned to grow, at some point I realised I stopped peeling off less “layers” that weren’t “Me” and found time to begin to craft my becoming into my internal being - a being that somehow has always been around, with deeper truths below what I thought I believed. I found this integration of who I imagined my self was part of the potential of this inner being, and spent reflective time trying to learn to match my intentions with words and actions. 

Then there is the matter of virtues, or Values, principles like becoming intentionally reliable and valuing kindness and affording dignity. We aren’t authentic to the point of selfishness as it’s alienating and a gateway to disintegration of the self, but for matters of inspiration to ourselves and others.  Hope this helps!

Also, The Artists Way is a good read. 

Or you can go C) Until you make a small group of friends (my max capacity is 3) you go in A) mode, then you switch into modified B) where everyone not accepting you ends on permanent ignore list, you don't need them

I don’t feel the need to please anyone, or say anything that people want to hear just for the sake of it. I generally always speak my mind. I do not say anything to upset a person, as I know what’s appropriate for every situation. If someone doesn’t like me being honest, or factual, or for not going along with what everyone else thinks, that’s really not my concern. I am not here to be in a popularity contest. I’m just here to be me. Take me as you find me or not at all.

This resonates with me. It’s like you have a choice. A) Be constantly anxious and guarded about everything you say and feel alone around people. Or B) let your guard down show people your true self and get excluded from the group for offending some one or making people ‘uncomfortable.

if that’s been your experience of being autistic I can say yes I share it. The only solution I’ve found is to look for the places that are full of people society already labels as weird / abnormal / degenerate. They are a bit more tolerant. But when even they reject you where can you go?

Me too (with regard to the title of this thread.)

I tried unmasking completely in the early days....I bit a child!  Go figure.....WTAF!