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When I try letting loose and not overanalyzing my behaviors, I make more social mistakes.

KittyBiscuits

Whenever I try being completely myself and let loose, explore my traits and simply just be myself... it's annoying or wrong to others in some way. I feel so trapped even living because it's either mask and succumb to the pressure and ruin my mental health, or be myself and not hide anything in order to keep myself feeling happy... only to have others be uncomfortable or even upset with me for not trying to consciously remember social rules and how I "should" present.

I know for a fact I am hypervigilant, but it's for a good reason. It feels inescapable how I can't even let go without it backfiring somehow. I want to be authentically myself and say things without having to tiptoe around people. I'm tired of hiding. It feels better to just not be myself now and to be whatever others wish for me to be or what they want from me. Man, even showing emotions is a problem. I have such a hard time hiding my own feelings and emotions without someone being able to obviously notice. I feel so bad and like I just can't get out of this situation. I feel hopeless. Is this what autism is supposed to be like??? To comfort others and accommodate them at the expense of your own wellbeing??? If so, it's more than tough. It just feels depressing.

Parents

  • This resonates with me. It’s like you have a choice. A) Be constantly anxious and guarded about everything you say and feel alone around people. Or B) let your guard down show people your true self and get excluded from the group for offending some one or making people ‘uncomfortable.

    if that’s been your experience of being autistic I can say yes I share it. The only solution I’ve found is to look for the places that are full of people society already labels as weird / abnormal / degenerate. They are a bit more tolerant. But when even they reject you where can you go?

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  • This resonates with me. It’s like you have a choice. A) Be constantly anxious and guarded about everything you say and feel alone around people. Or B) let your guard down show people your true self and get excluded from the group for offending some one or making people ‘uncomfortable.

    if that’s been your experience of being autistic I can say yes I share it. The only solution I’ve found is to look for the places that are full of people society already labels as weird / abnormal / degenerate. They are a bit more tolerant. But when even they reject you where can you go?

Children