Are there things you just 'don't get' in life? (as in understand the rules of)

There are some things I just 'don't get' too, so you're not alone.

I feel the following is a poor example, as it's more to do with a complete lack of thought and consideration on my part.

Many years ago my dad phoned me one evening to tell me that he had been involved in a car accident. My dad was rarely one to make a fuss (unless he had a cold), so when I asked him if was OK and he told me that he was, I took his word for it. My mother had been staying with my grandmother at the time, and it never occurred to me to consider that maybe I should pop around to check that he really was OK, and if he needed anything.

I remember that my mother (who is possibly also autistic) felt incredibly angry with me for not visiting my dad because in her words it should have been "common sense", especially as he had told me that his company car was a write-off. To be honest, it's a miracle that my dad didn't sustain any life-threatening injuries... Some idiot in a transit van had been speeding along a country lane and shot across a junction, straight into the driver's side of my dad's car. This resulted in the car skidding some distance and into a concrete lamp post. 

Your poor dad. But you’ve reminded me of a similar(ish) thing when I was at school. The girl from next door for the first few years of my life before we moved was one of the only regular playmates  I had growing up. I’d like to think that we were friends - it seemed that way. After we moved I was In touch less but as we’d been through school together there was still a connection. I even asked if I could be in her class in the secondary school we’d be going to, naively thinking that she wouldn’t find her own (mostly female) clique quite naturally and understandaby and drift away for the most part. Anyway, about a year in to that school, she got suddenly quite sick and was absent for a day or two. The phone rang in ours and my dad was talking with her father briefly. The call ends and he says ‘He says [name] has Lupis, it’s pretty serious, and she’s in hospital until they can get her immune system under control.’ I thought, oh that’s terrible, was worried about her, but appreciated him letting us know. Several days later, someone in school goes ‘apparently you’ve known for days why she’s not been in, thanks very much for not telling us - don’t you think we’d have maybe wanted to send cards, visit, wish her  well, just aware for thoughts  and prayers?’ I was stunned that I’d done something wrong without realising. I was supposed to have passed the information on, it was implicit in the relayed phone call that night. And I simply hadn’t processed that. Partly assuming that I’d be the last to know anyway, but partly just because of lack of intuitive understanding in the absence of specific instruction: pass this on! I felt horrific about it, and feeling the annoyance from others made me feel sick for days. I visited her i hospital shortly after, again out of a sense of ‘I should do that too I guess’than anything else. And I don’t mean I didn’t want to see my part time friend, just that I didn’t know that was the proper ‘should’ innately understood y others. I’ve been very  wary about things like that since, falling over myself to double check lines of communication. All very excruciating to look back on.i wasn’t trying to hoard information to feel special,I just didn’t get it, and try as did to explain, I just couldn’t. 

Shardovan,

I don't see that as doing anything wrong as it's private information.  I think that the parents perhaps wanted it kept to themselves because society then was more private.  I remember when my Dad was ill and in hospital several times throughout my life, my Mum always told me not to tell anyone as it was a private family matter.  I kept everything inside which was hard when I so desperately needed someone to support me and talk it through with.

The comment from someone at school was mean.  Perhaps they were jealous that you were the one who was told and not them.  It wasn't up to you to share the information in my view.  I think their parents would have phoned around to tell others if they wanted it known.  

Have you spoken about how you feel with this friend? You may not have gotten it "wrong" as you think.....

Aw that’s awful. Though at that age most kids find secret keeping a huge challenge. Still, not nice to go through. 

that’s a good point about the school knowing.  Presumably I was also to tell the form teacher? We had various teachers. Or maybe the firm teacher knew but considered it a private matter so it really was up to me to fill in the information vacuum. I’ve always been, and remain, bad at the finer points of social etiquette. I put ten times more worry and thought into getting them wrong than others do into getting them instinctively right. 

I agree that I don't think you did anything wrong. I would have reacted in exactly the same way as you did. It would not have occurred to me to let anyone at school know, unless I had been given explicit instructions to do so.

Presumably the teacher at school would have been made aware of why the girl was absent. I would have thought it would have been up to the teacher to announce to the class, with permission from her parents.

The information might have been given to you in confidence and not everyone wants people to know details about their illnesses.

It reminds me of when I was at primary school (aged around 8 or 9) I was off sick a lot. One girl kept asking me why but I did not want to share, as we were not friends and it was private information. She would not give up asking and swore to keep it a secret. In the end I told her just to get her to leave me alone. Of course she did not keep it a secret and by the next day the whole school knew and were making fun of me. It was a hard lesson for me to learn that people did not always do what they promised.

I also don’t think I would have shared the information. It was private information and  I would not have felt that it was appropriate to share.

I also don’t think I would have shared the information. It was private information and  I would not have felt that it was appropriate to share.