Advice about hugging and similar forms of affection

Hugs have been so rare in my life. I always appreciate one a lot - from a natural hugger I mean, not one of my family-but would never initiate one. It would feel presumptious and like an invasion - to do I mean, not to receive. I got unexpectedly hugged for a few seconds by a friend at work  (a few months ago) and I thought that was so generous and brave of her. It came and went in seconds and perhaps it’s the last one of my life. Strange business all that. 

I get a bit of an adrenaline spike if someone makes contact with me and I’m not expecting it. It’s a sensation I don’t like. Someone touched the top of my back today and I think I was a bit snappy with them about it. Unintentionally that is, but then again, it wasn’t contact that I’d asked for, so a bit of a dilemma. I don’t get that same feeling if a very close friend or a family member makes contact with me though.

I do think though, after reading your reply, that I too am much more likely to receive a hug than initiate one. I think that has been the upsetting thing for those closest to me. It is something I am aware of and am working on.

That’s an interesting one. I’m a very even tempered person (anxiety aside) but I’ve kind of exploded into annoyance in the past at the wrong kind of touch. A mischievous poke in the ribs by a sibling when I didn’t see it coming. Or my mum playfully hitting me with a spoon or something when tidying the kitchen. I’d kind of go almost feral before catching myself The one time I failed  to control my anger when it happened (many years ago now, I was a teenager) I pushed my older sister back on annoyance and she fell awkwardly and spilled her wee after dinner treat (custard) all over the counter. She was upset. I felt instant remorse about it, and it still makes me want to cry thinking about her losing that wee comfort just because I let my shock at being playfully poked in the ribs enrage me. I’m not proud of it. 

To me, that kind of contact is very different though. It’s ‘pointy’ or ‘jabby’ - good humoured in intent or gently mischievous but horrible in effect. A short sharp shock. I suppose being occasionally poked but never hugged (after about the age of six maybe, my mother -only- would have been tactile enough early on) was the deal when growing up. So I found most touch unpleasant. Then the very occasional hug from a friend would come up in life and I’d realise what I was missing. 

That’s an interesting one. I’m a very even tempered person (anxiety aside) but I’ve kind of exploded into annoyance in the past at the wrong kind of touch. A mischievous poke in the ribs by a sibling when I didn’t see it coming. Or my mum playfully hitting me with a spoon or something when tidying the kitchen. I’d kind of go almost feral before catching myself The one time I failed  to control my anger when it happened (many years ago now, I was a teenager) I pushed my older sister back on annoyance and she fell awkwardly and spilled her wee after dinner treat (custard) all over the counter. She was upset. I felt instant remorse about it, and it still makes me want to cry thinking about her losing that wee comfort just because I let my shock at being playfully poked in the ribs enrage me. I’m not proud of it. 

To me, that kind of contact is very different though. It’s ‘pointy’ or ‘jabby’ - good humoured in intent or gently mischievous but horrible in effect. A short sharp shock. I suppose being occasionally poked but never hugged (after about the age of six maybe, my mother -only- would have been tactile enough early on) was the deal when growing up. So I found most touch unpleasant. Then the very occasional hug from a friend would come up in life and I’d realise what I was missing. 

I think sudden touch is difficult. My parents (I still live with them...) sometimes put their arms around me suddenly, or my Dad gives me a kind of friendly back slap, and I try to take it as it's meant, in good spirits, but I often do jump or flinch. I think my parents got somewhat upset about that so I try not to show it, which I guess is me masking again for the benefit of others (I'm slowly realising just how much I mask and how bad it's been for me).