Published on 12, July, 2020
As Melanie Sykes said, she was a "walking contradiction" and I feel the same. Here are my examples. I'd love to know if you are the same or have any more to add! 1. Feel less need to follow social conventions but then am a heavy people pleaser.2. Feel I have my own sense of identity but get easily swept along by others.3. Not sure how I feel a lot of the time but feel very strongly when I do know. Feel strongly other people's emotions or completely miss them.4. Feel like I can't read people in the moment but then pick up on micro expressions or feelings other people don't seem to notice.5. Love being on my own but have a strong need for people interaction which is often a bit difficult and tiring.6. Naturally introverted but love the energy when with the right people.7. Get mixed up with left or right but have a good sense of direction.8. A strong need to be on time but always running late.9, Approachable as an ear for problems but seldom have my own listened to.10. Communicate clearly in my job but can't explain problems to health professionals very well.11. Am a natural organiser but actually not very organised.12. A strong need for a tidy house but it's always a mess (to me).13. An effort to have less stuff but feel its always cluttered.14. A desire for a minimalist house but think they're boring.15. Often really want to get going a lot of the time but don't know how..16. Don't like loud noises but love loud music.17. Can get up early of my own accord but not when my alarm goes off.18. Hyper focus or inertia.19. Like to be spontaneuous but don't like a change to a plan and need to know ahead what's happening.20. Find sameness boring but don't like change.21. Need routine to function but have difficulty forming them unless it's imposed.
22. Good long term memory but poor short term memory. 23. Can see both sides of the discussion so have conflicting opinions.
I cannot stand the self-involvement/self-absorption that seems to be a part of autism. Yes, it's natural for me to have lots of questions about autism & about my behaviours but I resent myself for constantly troubling others here for advice and insight, as if I were the centre of our universe. And most posts of mine feature examples of something or other from my own limited life-experiences, as if these were important or significant or universal, not trivial or irrelevant. And I cannot stand it if when someone asks 'How are you, Simon?', it rarely occurs to me to ask how *they* are; not because I don't care about them or because I'm bored or distracted but because it simply doesn't occur to me to respond in kind. It just makes me feel so rude, in retrospect, and feel for them. I am inept at the art of communication...
As someone who utterly dreads being the centre of attention, I find myself the centre of my attention too often; this isn't vanity - it's just a horribly narrow focus.
All this, and more, is why I find it so hard to list 'positives of ASD', as much as I really want autists to be positive about themselves - I just can't, and won't, lie about my own experience.
I think we have different experiences possibly and I mask heavily. It's automatic for me to ask others how they are in return when often actually I don't care and I'm just being polite. In the workplace I have to remind myself often to say good morning to people. I go to work to work whereas I've noticed it's more a social element for some. In my assessment it was noted I wasn't very reciprocal in some instances but I don't know why I would start asking the assessor about themselves as that wasn't the purpose of the meeting. In more unstructured social situations Ive learned that i find it easier to just keep asking people about themselves because I either don't feel comfortable talking about myself, don't know how much to say or wonder if they even are interested at all or just being polite. On here I say stuff I've never talked to anyone about.
It's not troubling to ask for support on here. People wouldn't respond if they didn't want to help. And somethings you say might be read by another person and give them help.
Steven said:as if I were the centre of our universe
I think the very fact you are aware of this means you actually are not. I know plenty of people who think the world revolves around them and they aren't even aware of it. I've read several times that autistic people communicate often by sharing experiences. This may come across to others as self absorbed but what we are doing is finding similarity and common ground as connection.
Thank you. Your post is a tremendous comfort to me.
I'd rather genuinely ask people when ive got time to talk about it which isn't first thing in the morning when I'm trying to get sorted at work. I am really interested in people because i think you can find little interesting nuggets in everyone even oeople who are different to you. A lot of people are more than happy with trivia. I too would like to talk about the big stuff but know it's not appropriate most of the time. It can be quite intense for a lot of people, even my friends and ive learned most people may only slightly consider The Big Stuff but its not interesting to them to go any deeper. Or they can't handle it! I had one friend who I could talk to about these things but he's gone AWOL.
You might feel its an invasion on them because you feel invaded when they ask you? We tend to view and treat others through our own world view. My problem tends to be I ask people how they are out of politeness in return to their how are you, but for some reason the floodgates open and I get chapter and verse on their life. When all I've responded with is "I'm fine" even when I'm not, because that's just easier and because that's what you are supposed to do. Another example of there being rules which I follow but no one else seems to.
JuniperFromGallifrey said:it's a bit of an invasion to ask. And trivial. Tomorrow or in an hour I might feel different. Feelings have little bearing on a thing.
same here. Except when you get a meltdown
out_of_step said:It's automatic for me to ask others how they are in return when often actually I don't care and I'm just being polite.
I had to learn this as a practical application. And then practice. Now I'm in the habit of NEVER sending an email immediately as opposed to 20 years ago. And 9.8 times out of 10 when re-reading before I hit send, I have to add, "how are you" or "how was -- something".
I don't like being asked these questions either. I want to talk about theories and multiverses and dead interesting things. Not trivial feelings which come and go because... I discovered I have alexithymia but also feel it's a bit of an invasion to ask. And trivial. Tomorrow or in an hour I might feel different. Feelings have little bearing on a thing.