Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve been dipping into Autistimatic videos on YT ever since someone on here (Maurisz I think?) kindly posted a link one day. Was just watching the one on ‘what’s so difficult about being autistic?’ And while it is, as ever, excellently presented and validating in many respects, one thing made me feel deeply uncomfortable. The presenter’s assumption that those of us on stable employment sit in agony as we watch others get promoted, wishing we could be them.
This made me feel very unseen as someone who has come to realise that I’m at the maximum comfortable level of responsibility/duties for me, and suited ‘only’ to an exclusively reactive (not delegatory or innovative) role. I have found a perfect niche and would hate to give that up for any amount of ‘status’ (who cares about that?) or money (always nice to have more but if you’re miserable/stressed and in danger of being sacked for being a square peg… what’s the point?) and yet the guy just puts everyone into an actually fairly NT box- conventionally aspirational but confounded due to our differences coming under prejudiced scrutiny only. As someone who has, against my better instincts (and often only in response to ‘you’d be mad not to..’ comments from those who’d stop thinking about that pronouncement mere seconds later while I let the implied weight of expectation torture me for weeks) applied for higher grade posts in the past - not something I plan to do again any time soon, and probably ever- only to not succeed I actually believe that the interviewing system worked well in my case, weeding out my tendency towards abstraction when trying to conceptualise coping in a world of macro-view pragmatism, and favouring those who could come in with concise bullet points laying out a ‘this is what I will do’ strategy with no problem whatsoever. Should I feel it was an injustice or a mercy? I’m strongly inclined towards feeling the latter, especially since diagnosis. Is it ok to feel this way? Is it pathetic to do so, even in supposed safe spaces like here?
Does anyone on here identify with what I’m saying or am I a lone voice and total weirdo? Just authentic agreement please, or disagreement of course, about whether it’s ok to think/feel as I do. Freaking out slightly here after watching something that I thought would’ve inclusive of me rather than making me an outsider even among outsiders. Not the presenter’s intention… I think? I’m confused to be honest! Am I abnormally autistic so to speak? Am I ‘doing it wrong’ by lacking ambition to transcend my best fit?
No, and I think we need to remember all autistic people are different. There seems to be this narrative that NT behave in one way and AS people in another. I think what you are talking about depends on our values etc. Yes a lot of autistic people may get passed over for promotion but some don't. Some NT people want to climb the ladder but some don't. It's not all black and white. I myself was offered one at work but declined because I am content where I am, and I didn't know at the time I was autistic (altho inklings were creeping in). I would rather do my current job well than a higher job poorly and in any case it'd involve too much peopling with other colleagues and a sense of getting the job done as opposed to doing it correctly.
I don't completely understand what you are saying but I hear you in that this is one of the problems I've had in finding other autistic people I can relate to because I feel very much out there on my own. A lot of the material is about "us" so that when you don't fit that narrative or the NT one, where do you fit? Does it matter? It's no one else's business. I have my own niche in the world and I think a strong sense of identity in some respects.
Ambition in terms of career etc is overrated but its different from job satisfaction and contentment. You can have ambition in other areas of your life. I think the most thing is to be content with your life and its great if you have a job which fulfils you and pays the bills. And doesn't stress you out so that you can enjoy your free time.
Are you trying to say autistic people should be grateful for any promotion they get so take it? There are a lot of people who aren't diagnosed and no one knows they are AS, even themselves so I don't think that makes any difference really!
Wise words and much appreciated. No I was not saying autistic people should gratefully take any promotion that comes their way. I meant exactly the opposite, that it freaked me out that someone autistic and very articulate about all the nuances of that seemed to nevertheless not allow for the possibility that some of us don’t want promotion and indeed know it could be harmful to our wellbeing. Not because we are stupid but because we are smart enough to see what will not fit well and cause stress. In my case, I’m at the highest grade I could be while still being in a reactive, not pro-active, role (I feel literally incapable of the latter - but pushed myself into unwanted interviews in the past as it felt like one of those dreaded ‘should’s that I no longer want to be a part of almost universalising). These days, I see that I’ve done well, intuited my way towards one of the few specialised niches I could do well in long term without burn out, and reached a modest salary that nevertheless meets my needs. And I feel that a long-term stay in that job (for as long as it’s there) should be valid, and valued. To be fair, probably most don’t notice or care. Many people get itchy feet after a few years and want a change of a promotion. I’m the oppposite. I like continuity, routine. In fact, I need it. More now than ever. My energy reserves for weathering change are less now I’m in my mid forties, and I want to have things as they are for my own well-being.
i just wish that video had additionally said: ‘…of course some of us don’t want promotion or change but feel pressured to be seen to want that…’ but that, crucially I feel, was omitted. And left me feeling briefly anomalous. But this thread has helped a lot. I need to start just owning my individuality a lot more unapologetically I think!
Shardovan said:I need to start just owning my individuality a lot more unapologetically I think!
I agree.