Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve been dipping into Autistimatic videos on YT ever since someone on here (Maurisz I think?) kindly posted a link one day. Was just watching the one on ‘what’s so difficult about being autistic?’ And while it is, as ever, excellently presented and validating in many respects, one thing made me feel deeply uncomfortable. The presenter’s assumption that those of us on stable employment sit in agony as we watch others get promoted, wishing we could be them.
This made me feel very unseen as someone who has come to realise that I’m at the maximum comfortable level of responsibility/duties for me, and suited ‘only’ to an exclusively reactive (not delegatory or innovative) role. I have found a perfect niche and would hate to give that up for any amount of ‘status’ (who cares about that?) or money (always nice to have more but if you’re miserable/stressed and in danger of being sacked for being a square peg… what’s the point?) and yet the guy just puts everyone into an actually fairly NT box- conventionally aspirational but confounded due to our differences coming under prejudiced scrutiny only. As someone who has, against my better instincts (and often only in response to ‘you’d be mad not to..’ comments from those who’d stop thinking about that pronouncement mere seconds later while I let the implied weight of expectation torture me for weeks) applied for higher grade posts in the past - not something I plan to do again any time soon, and probably ever- only to not succeed I actually believe that the interviewing system worked well in my case, weeding out my tendency towards abstraction when trying to conceptualise coping in a world of macro-view pragmatism, and favouring those who could come in with concise bullet points laying out a ‘this is what I will do’ strategy with no problem whatsoever. Should I feel it was an injustice or a mercy? I’m strongly inclined towards feeling the latter, especially since diagnosis. Is it ok to feel this way? Is it pathetic to do so, even in supposed safe spaces like here?
Does anyone on here identify with what I’m saying or am I a lone voice and total weirdo? Just authentic agreement please, or disagreement of course, about whether it’s ok to think/feel as I do. Freaking out slightly here after watching something that I thought would’ve inclusive of me rather than making me an outsider even among outsiders. Not the presenter’s intention… I think? I’m confused to be honest! Am I abnormally autistic so to speak? Am I ‘doing it wrong’ by lacking ambition to transcend my best fit?
I don't think you're "abnormally autistic". I'm not currently in a situation where promotion is an issue, but certainly in the past I wanted to find a niche where I was comfortable and stay there, not climb the promotion ladder.
I do find that "autism" covers so many different types of people that it's easily to feel "differently autistic" or "too autistic" or "not autistic enough" when compared with others. I've never really had a sense of autistic people as a "tribe" where everyone thinks just like me, although I know lots of people do feel that way.
This was alluded to in another thread last week. What is normal for anyone really!? You can't have normally autistic. There are some shared aspects but many that are different.
There is also the Peter Principle that people are promoted to their level of incompetence, so you are probably wise staying where you know you excel.