Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I hope I am in the right place. I have just been partially diagnosed ASD Asperger syndrome, waiting for a full assessment. the NHS is in disarray and I may have to wait up to 3 years. is it worth going private?
i am not sure I can wait that long. My scores are 100% and my pre-assessment therapist has advised me to stop imitating or I will have a breakdown. but this is a shock to everyone, as all my filters are now gone. My son is 26 and is very opinionated… finally causing another burn out. Argued with my wife for 3 hours after even though she understands me well and has been a great support throughout the years. but I feel awful and thought terrible things last night…. That my life is not worth it after 50 years of masking…. I am completely exhausted… I am looking for help, support and advice…. I am one of the lost generation!!
i also have years of masking experience if it helps….
NAS84040,
I truly understand that feeling of desperation and wondering what it all means. I can't answer whether diagnosis is worth it or not because personally I've decided to accept my diagnosis of sensory processing disorder because I know I masked at my appointment and don't want to put myself through everything again. I believe and a great many others on here accept me for self identification.
I'd say from here on in, finding this community could be the turning point in your life. I've been here nearly a year now I think and have realised I am most definitely Autistic because I share so many of the feelings and thoughts of Autistics who post on here. It's actually a really positive thing to find a community who gets you and who allow you to learn more about yourself by sharing their experiences of life.
NAS84040 said:but I feel awful and thought terrible things last night…. That my life is not worth it after 50 years of masking…. I am completely exhausted… I am looking for help, support and advice…. I am one of the lost generation!!
Suicidal ideation is the norm for me in periods of desperation but I'd say that you are a fighter because you are doing something about it by posting here and asking for help in your upset state. That to me means that you are brave and determined.
The desperation will get less intense and now you have us to support you when it comes back as it always does. Life is tough but so are you. Keep reaching out and you will find comfort here and hopefully with your family too.
There are many threads on whether to go for diagnosis. It's a very personal thing that you will work out for yourself but it sounds like at the moment you need to find ways to comfort yourself and reaching out here is one.
Take care of yourself.
Thank you. I am no longer masking and strange things are happening, like facial ticks and hand movements. I will go private asap before it settles and I find my range.
I have also lost a sense of self-control; it was as if someone flipped off my lightswitch. (I remember a Camcorder clip on 'You've Been Framed' around 1991 of a cat jumping to switch off the light)