Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
50’s diagnosis in the acceptance phase.
I’ve been reading about ASD burnout where it can be so bad it ends in selective mutism. I’m a relatively successful businessman and scared of this, my family would suffer as all the information is literally inside my head. I could/am put/putting systems in place (and currently in the process of this).
The downside of my ASD is I’m also incredibly high functioning and I’m not convinced anyone else would have the capacity to take over and cope even with systems in place.
This is the scary part - I know I’m burning out and maybe have a few years left (weird I know this) before I crash and burn and will need to retire/part retire.
How real is the risk of non returnable ASD burnout? The thought of hitting that at retirement (more like ASD enforced retirement) secretly fills me with joy and sadness. The joys would be the peace I’ve never had, the downside is not caring about my loved ones and significant others and I know I’d be selfish to protect myself - it actually brings me to tears when I think about this. us it a real risk or just non aspies research shite? Tia x
NAS76602,
This post and the supportive comments have lead me to understand more about myself and my Dad. I do think that Autistic burnout and non Autistic burnout are very real and terrifying for the person and the people around who care.
I've realised from reading this thread and previous ones that my Dad, brother and myself all have experienced Autistic burnout because I see clearly that we are all Autistic. I used to go through a work/ill cycle constantly where I'd get a job because I'm good at interviews, do the job for roughly 3/6/8 months then be in a state of constant panic/crying attacks when going to work that I'd have to give up. It would take me an equal amount of time to recover where I then decided I'd try again to work and so the cycle continued. When I had my daughter I worked part time and was constantly anxious and on meds which numbed me but didn't help. I was very ill but trying to continue. My brother has been similar with jobs but seems to settle for longer and has had his current job for a few years now. He uses his weekends to recover by playing in his band which works for him but he's knackered after a day working.
My Dad was a teacher and had a "breakdown" where he was hospitalised for 6 months and given ECT in a psych unit where he seemed to recover. He took early retirement but had regular admissions to hospital which I don't think were bipolar. I think they were all burnouts from masking as I saw how happy he was when he was acting "weird again" as my Mum put it. There wasn't the knowledge there is now about mental health and Autism. It was a vastly different society back then so my Dad would never have been diagnosed. I now see this is why his medication never worked and it enrages me to think that he was medicated for something I believe he as not. I think that had he been in hospital without ECT he would have naturally recovered. I think he learnt to mask his "weirdness" because it was considered "not normal." I loved his weirdness because I understood it and felt close to him in those moments. I hate that he and our family went through this and I am glad that there is more knowledge in society now because my daughter and I are considerably less masked up (not in a covid sense :-) than my Dad was).
I do think recovery is possible for burnout if you know yourself well enough, have the strength to fight it and are able to build some type of support system however that looks.
I'm glad things are getting better for you and that you are building your own support network who knows the real you.
That’s a lovely post, because like you, I learn a lot from others experiences and perspectives. But I especially want to say something about your dad and update you on my progress, but I can’t finish it now, so I’ll finish it either tomorrow or the next day. Thanks, it was very clear, helpful and inspiring.