Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi!
I am very newly diagnosed, but have always hated physical contact, especially with people I'm not emotionally very close to. During COVID, it's been very easy to navigate not hugging people, using COVID-anxiety as a reason. However we're now "out" of that where I am, and we're having our first big christmas, with my partners extended family on Boxing Day.
They're all very loud and touchy-feely, which I've always struggled with. Especially now I have a diagnosis, I'm less inclined to just "suck it up". I shouldn't have to, but I also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, nor do I want everyone knowing about the ASD. I've already had the "ooh I didn't think you would be autistic".
What do other people do in this situation? It's causing me a lot of anxiety and stress! I've managed to get out of the food portion of the evening but this means going a little later when people have had drinks too...
Help :D
NAS83865,
I am a huggy person but I do understand what it's like to accept hugs when you don't want them - overwhelming! You could make an excuse saying that you're painful so not wanting hugs before anyone demands one.
My friend told me sometime back that she hated hugs and I was sad because we'd always shared a hug on meeting. I now check with people before I give a hug. I've always checked with my daughter because she's Autistic and i want her to feel comfortable. She now comes to me when she needs a hug which's more special because I know it's wanted and not forced. I get frustrated when my Mum tells my daughter to give her hugs but I always ask my daughter if she's okay with it and she says she is. She doesn't see my Mum much so it's probably the truth or I hope it is...
I'd ask for a family meeting and say that you're not wanting hugs because you're feeling sensitive. You could then use that as a reason to leave the drunken celebrations a little early to retreat to somewhere cosy for your own time......
Best of luck.
I can appreciate both of your sentiments honestly, with friends and family you will not find a more affectionate person, but if a stranger so much as brushes past me it mentally turns me inside out, I want to do stuff like change clothes immediately. I can't just ignore it either I can feel where they bumped into me "burning" for hours later If I'm not able excuse myself to slap hand sanitiser on the area or remove that item of clothing.I do have OCD but THIS IS NOT OCD: I don't feel worried I'm gonna get ill or have some misfortune. It is the autism sensory thing where I'm hyper sensitive, it just feels excrutiating, and I need to remedy it somehow.
Sam likes to draw ,
I understand what you mean in terms of strangers. I HATE when people sit next to me on a bus and sit too close! It makes me silently seeth. I also recoil when strangers brush past me but not to the same degree as you describe. That's so upsetting to hear you go through that. :-(.