Published on 12, July, 2020
These questions presented themselves from within the recent tread about new users not responding to our writings or advice (originated within ‘Anybody need some advice from the voice of reason ?)
“Ghosting” is when someone just doesn’t respond to you at all despite you fully expecting them to do so, in any event. I would distinguish "ghosting" from blocking or outright ignoring someone. I would equate the feeling of "ghosting" to feeling like you have been overtly given the advice to "take the hint, mate."
I hate the experience…..SO many unanswered questions...and you should be polite and not push for an explanation? Right??
Felt intensly - and often at great length. Sometimes there's the strange sense that it is happening, and trying to engage more to communicate...
And these last few years have had some great - and trying - examples.
Thanks for posting James, I was beginning to wonder if it was just me ! Like you, when it happens, I feel it intensely and seem to ponder over the possible reasons for ages. I am trying to overthink less - but with little success.
Sometimes it can be from a small misunderstanding. Othertimes, predicted. It is exhausting.
Physical ghosting - if we can coin a term - and perhaps going offtopic here.One difficulty is when something gets raised - such a coffee/drinks or an impromptu meeting - and then silence. Never sure whether it will take place. (And the amount of times when it hasn't... and when it has, I've taken a while to calm down.)
Other times it feels like burdening the pieces. And one of the longest shadows - during lockdown got a sudden marriage proposal out of the blue from an old friend of many many years, and then, when able to travel, silence. No idea what went on there.
"On the "lets meet up and have a beer / coffee soon" type issue, again this one very regularly confuses the hell out of me. In my experience, most of the time it is just said out of some form of NT etiquette and the act of saying it has zero bearing on whether it is genuinely wanted or not.....thus rendering the words completely meaningless to me."
I can so relate to this! I never know what to make of these phrases -" let's keep in touch", "keep me posted", etc. Are you saying it to be polite? How much do you want me to update you on X project/life event and when?
I worked in recruitment somehow for 5 years(!), so I somehow got used to chasing people and being ignored; it never felt pleasant though, and for connections outside of work (of which many have come and gone), the digital world we now live in had caused as many problems as it's solved, I think.
You raise all good points. I think imposter syndrome is something that a proficient masker will undoubtedly feel quite keenly, both before and after diagnosis/identification. Being in this community helps assuage that negativity.
`yes - helpful. Sometimes it all seems fine, then overwhelming.
That is sad, and I'm sorry to hear it. I've had a variety of reactions to disclosing my diagnosis from 'I wouldn't have known, apart from the fact that you're so anxious' to 'I could have told you that for free'. While the latter is blunter, I'm more reassured by that end of the reaction spectrum. Makes me less prone to imposter syndrome getting too much of a foothold. And yes, the 'in vogue'/on trend aspect unsettles me. I'd be mortified if anyone thought I was trying to be on a bandwagon for attention (the last thing I want!), but the de-stigmatising of neurodiversity and the improved chances of having the penny drop that more recent times have brought us (as has the effect of middle age and its additional energy drain on our ability to mask ourselves even *from* ourselves) have all brought about a sort of critical mass for us. We know our truth, and it's just a shame that a tone of scepticism will be there in a few. Not many in my case though, generally most have been 'cool' about it, and believe me. I guess I was a more transparent case (to the truly perceptive) than I realised.
Even though I've given a fragment - thanks for saying that.